


it's the second one

by linettisetgo



Series: the idiot men [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Harry Potter was Raised by Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, M/M, WHO NEEDS CANON, everyone's dead and that's ok, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-09-02 09:27:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16784215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linettisetgo/pseuds/linettisetgo
Summary: strap in kids, this one's a whole lot more Emo (death is coming) (be warned)still cannot think of titles to save my ass. seriously. if anyone has any suggestions. god help me.post-school wolfstar + jily ! dorlene too





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [our lord and saviour jesus christ amen](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=our+lord+and+saviour+jesus+christ+amen).



1st September, 1978

11.00am

Sirius Black was lying on his bed, an unlit cigarette dangling absent-mindedly out of his mouth. Remus Lupin was next to him, dozing lightly. Sirius, however, had been awake for several hours, waiting for this exact moment. Last night Professor McGonagall—Minerva, rather—had made a hasty visit to them, requesting that they join a ‘cult’, as James so charmingly put it, to fight against Lord Voldemort. They had said yes, naturally. To think this time last year he had been on a train to his last year at Hogwarts. That felt like years ago.

The Order of the Phoenix. Interesting name, though it had been Dumbledore who named it, so what were they really expecting? That man had a thing for being a flamer. Haha, you get a mildly offensive gay joke this early in! Moving on. It was an elite task force, essentially, to take down Voldemort and his disciples. Jesus, when had it come to this? Fucking shitballs, he didn’t want to think about the war. Thinking about scrambled eggs seemed like a more comfortable option.

He stood up and lit his cigarette, after putting on a shirt - he knew James was inevitably going to be downstairs. He really regretted giving that man a key. 

“Morning, Prongs.”

“It’s me, actually,” said Peter, looking rather pale. Sirius looked a little surprised, but continued into the kitchen. 

“James send you?” he asked, cracking two eggs into a bowl.

“Partly. I also—wanted to make sure you’re doing all right,” he said. “No Hogwarts, and all. It’s the first meeting of that Phoenix thing today, too.”

“Mm,” said Sirius. “Coffee, Wormy?”

“Tea’d be nice, if you’re putting the kettle on. Where’s Remus?”

“Asleep. You know what he’s like after his transformations.”

Peter nodded. “Right. Oh, speak of the devil.”

“Morning, Pete. Padfoot,” said Remus, coming down the stairs in his ‘pyjamas’ - he’d fallen asleep in his cardigan again.

“Morning.”

“Morning, Moons. Coffee?”

“If you’re making it. Peter, are you all right? You look a bit…shaken up,” said Remus, looking concerned.

“Yeah, no, I—” Peter sighed. “My Aunt Matilda’s dead.”

Sirius dropped an egg. “Shit—Jesus, mate. Sit down. Are you OK?”

He took a seat, wiping his upper lip ungracefully. “I’m—I don’t know. I mean, she was a right cunt, actually but—she was a Muggle, you know. Last night—late last night—a couple of Death Eaters showed up at her house and—kablam. I was staying with her, but I was out on a walk.”

“Christ, Pete, that’s terrible,” said Remus. “Sirius, you want to get some tea on?”

“Right.” Sirius put out his cigarette and went back into the kitchen.

“People are dying, Moony. This is a war, a real war. Why would they target her? She’s a Muggle, she wasn’t doing anything other than being a bit racist—a lot racist, actually, but—oh, God.”

Remus put a steadying hand on his arm. “I’m sure it was random, Wormtail, it’s not your fault.”

Peter nodded shakily. “I know—I know that. I just…I was staying at her house because I didn’t want to put my parents in danger, and now…this. It could’ve been me, I could’ve died if I hadn’t…”

“Fucking hell, Pete,” said Sirius. “Listen, why don’t you stay at ours for a while if it’ll make you feel better? It’s a two-bedroom flat, and—”

“Not the time, Padfoot,” warned Remus quietly, foreseeing an Inappropriate Joke For This Current Moment In Time.

“I don’t know if I can—”

“It’s no problem,” said Remus, stopping Peter before he could finish. “You’re our friend.”

“Mate, why don’t you go lie down? You look exhausted,” said Sirius, handing him his mug of tea. 

Peter took the tea, nodded, and went upstairs.

“D’you reckon he’ll be OK?” asked Remus.

Sirius nodded. “He’s just shocked. I’ve met his Aunt Matilda, and they weren’t close, she _is_ a cunt.”

“I can imagine.”

Remus looked up at the stairs. “Not much survivor’s guilt. That’s odd, isn’t it?”

“Moony, there’s no need to analyse him.” Sirius handed Remus a mug of coffee and went back to whisking eggs. “How’s the job hunt?”

“Dismal,” said Remus with a sigh. “I’m just glad we’re joining a…vigilante anti-terrorist group so I’ll have something to fill my days.”

“We’ll be fine. I mean, I don’t have any money anymore, but James’ll keep us alive.”

“Yeah, well. I don’t like relying on him so much,” said Remus. 

“Me neither, but it’s what we’ve got for now.” Sirius tipped the eggs into a pan and started scrambling. “Toast?”

“Sure. Who else is dead?”

Sirius didn’t bat an eye. “Marlene’s dad was targeted after her stunt in Surrey a while ago, but he managed to get away. Euphemia and Fleamont are fine, I’m having lunch with them this Sunday.”

“I asked who was dead.” Remus took a sip of coffee.

“D’you remember the DADA teacher we had in Fifth Year? The idiot? Boggart lesson?”

“He’s dead?”

“Yes.”

“Strange.”

“I’m not exactly sad, per se, but it feels weird. He didn’t go down fighting, just attacked in the street, apparently.” Sirius spooned some eggs onto toast and handed a plate to Remus.

“Oy vey, this a far more depressing start to a fic than the last one.”

“Tell me about it.”

1st September, 1978

2.04pm

“Strange choice of secret headquarters,” said Sirius, peering around the pleasant cottage.

“Would a secret headquarters really be secret if it looked like a secret headquarters?” asked Emmeline Vance, a sharp-witted girl who had been in the year above them at Hogwarts.

“Fair point.” Sirius entered the small living room, where several familiar faces were gathered. Molly Prewett, Arthur Weasley, Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadowes, Frank Longbottom, Alice Prewett, Peter (who had insisted on attending), James Potter and Lily Evans were all sitting on various surfaces. Albus Dumbledore was also there, as was a man who Sirius did not recognise, but had the same glinting eyes as Dumbledore.

“Thank you all for responding to Minerva so promptly,” said Dumbledore. “I’m sure we all know why we’re here.”

There was a murmur.

4th September, 1978

1.52am

“MARLENE, I’M BEHIND YOU,” bellowed Sirius, amidst a fireworks display of green light. “PRONGS, YOUR LEFT.”

James whirled around and sent a well-aimed jet of light at a masked figure, causing his hair to turn into a plant that Sirius later realised was Devil’s Snare. James was really utilising those Transfiguration and Herbology N.E.W.T.s. It knocked him out cold, then turned back into hair again.

“MARLENE—SHIT,” yelled James. Marlene had taken a Severing Charm to the face, which was now bleeding profusely. 

“I’M FINE, I’M FINE,” she shouted. “SON OF A BITCH, I’M NOT FINE—COVER ME.” She sent a Stunning Spell in the approximate direction of the Death Eater. James sent Entirely Random charms off around her as she desperately tried to stem the flow of blood from her face.

“YOU’RE A WITCH, YOU FUCKING MORON,” yelled Sirius, successfully rendering one of the three remaining attackers unconscious.

“OH FUCK, FORGOT.”

“SIRIUS, WHERE’S ELVENDORK?” James was furiously casting Shield Charms.

“DOWN THAT ALLEY, TWENTY METRES. BUT WE CAN’T ALL FIT ON HER AND IF SHE GETS A SINGLE SCRATCH I WILL KILL MYSELF. _KILL_ MYSELF. I WOULD RATHER SEE YOU DEAD.”   


“FUCKING CHRIST, SIRIUS,” said Marlene, back in the fight. “KID, GET OUT OF HERE. GO ON, GO!”

The boy in moon and star pyjamas scuttled out of the street, after his parents.

4th September, 1978

1.56am

“I can’t _believe_ you wouldn’t send me on this, Professor,” said Remus, tapping his fingers on the table anxiously.

“My boy, this is not school,” said Dumbledore congenially. “Here I am no more a professor than you are.”

Remus gave him a piercing look. “Why wouldn’t you send me?”

“We can only send a few wizards at a time or there’d be a real problem,” said Lily, entering with two cups of tea. “Dumbledore? Tea?”

“I’m all right, thank you.”

“Just tell me where they are, and I can get over there—make sure they’re OK—”

“Remus. I’m worried sick too, and Dorcas will be as well, but we have to think rationally about this. They’re going to be fine. They’re clever, and they’re good wizards.”

Remus swallowed. “Right. Right, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, lovey.” Lily smiled and handed him a mug. “It’s perfectly natural to be scared. But they’re doing good work, and for a good cause.”

“I know.”

“Now, which napkins would look nicer?” Lily held up two napkins.

Remus shook his head. “The…white ones?”

“Dumbledore, what d’you think?”

4th September, 1978

2.41am

The door opened and Remus’ head whipped around.

“Nope, just me,” said Dorcas, shaking out an umbrella. “I assume no news, then?”

Lily shook her head. “Nothing yet.”

Dorcas kicked off her boots and came in. “Warm in here.”

“Tea.” Remus got up and put on the kettle.

“Remus, you should get some sleep,” said Lily.

“Well, so should you, but we’re not saying anything about that. I’m waiting until my boyfriend’s back.”

“They said they’d be back by two, didn’t they?” said Dorcas. No one replied.

4th September, 1978

3.35am

“Fucking fuck,” said Sirius, bursting through the door. “Honey, I’m home.”

“MOTHERFUCKER, YOU’RE LATE,” yelled Remus, running into the hallway. “I was certain you were dead. I was certain.”

James and Marlene entered behind him, looking very beaten up.

“Marly, what the fuck happened to your face?” cried Dorcas. “That’s going to leave a scar, oh, God. Come in here.”

“Wait, fucker!” Remus hugged Marlene, who was then dragged off into the living room to have actual medical care. Remus turned back to Sirius and kissed him properly.

“Your face is warm, darling.”

Lily was hugging James so tightly he couldn’t breathe, but he was hugging her back just as tightly.

“I don’t know if my heart can take this,” said Remus. “You know, that’s partly a joke and partly not.”

“It’s going to have to, Moons.”

“I know. I know that,” Remus said, more for himself than anyone else. 

“Sirius, come here,” said Lily, who had been more worried than she had let on. “Fuck.”

4th September, 1978

4.03am

There had been an attempt at sleep, at least, but everyone was far too high-strung to actually achieve it. They were all staying in the headquarters; no one had thought it a good idea to move at night, except Dumbledore, who had left shortly after the three had arrived back. They had congregated in the living room.

“Oh, there’s a piano here,” said Sirius. 

“Don’t you play piano, Padfoot?” asked James. 

Sirius shrugged. “I used to. I haven’t practised in months, though. The Potters had a piano, but my apartment doesn’t.”

“Play something,” said Marlene. Sirius got up.

“It’s not exactly going to be perfect, but I think I remember the Raindrop Prelude.”

And so he played, rather shittily I might add, because you have to practise if you want to be good, kids. But it was comforting, and James, who was used to Sirius’ playing, fell asleep on Lily’s shoulder.   


21st September, 1978

3.12pm

“Lily Evans, soon-to-be-Potter,” said Remus, deadly serious. “I have two words for you.”

She looked at him expectantly.

“Hen do.”

“Oh, I hadn’t even thought about that!” she cried. “OK, when are we doing it?”

“Er, well, it has to be a night when no one’s out on a call, and it probably can’t be huge.”

“No, I don’t want anything big. So I guess it’ll be bridesmaids, then?”

“Yes. Now, it’s going to be a surprise, obviously—”

“Of course.”

“But, I was wondering if you had anything you definitely didn’t want, so I don’t accidentally make this the worst night of your life.”

“Remus, nothing you could do could make this worse than the time James thought he killed Poseidon.”

Remus looked at her, concerned. “What?”

“He cried for six hours. Six.”

Remus shook his head. “What?”

“He was a bit drunk, and Poseidon was napping.”

“ _What_?”

“Moving on. I always wanted my hen night to be the night before my wedding, so…”

“October 30th it is. I can’t believe you’re getting married on Halloween.”

“James insisted. I warned him he had to wear a suit, not a costume.”

“Dammit. I would’ve killed to see Prongs in a Captain America costume at his wedding,” said Remus. “Speaking of, you’re leaving it a bit late to get your dress, are you not?”

“I know, I’ve been meaning to, but the Order…”

“Sod the Order. We’ll go tomorrow and hope to fuck they can get it done in a month.”

22nd September, 1978

11.29am

“I must say, it’s unusual for the groom to attend,” said the attendant, looking rather pompously at the jean-clad Lily and the cardigan-wearing Remus.

“Oh, I’m not marrying _him_ , love,” said Lily. “He’s my maid of honour.”

“Man of honour,” said Remus rather wearily. “Just…show us the dresses.”

22nd September, 1978

11.58am

“No, the neckline’s wrong,” said Remus, who had initially been rather reluctant, but had gotten into it eventually. “And the arms are…terrible. I hate them.”

“I concur, sir,” said Lily, poking one of the deeply 70s poofy sleeves. “I reckon a sweetheart neckline’d be nicer.”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“Like…this,” she replied, holding up another white dress with a sweetheart neckline. “But the material on this one’s kind of ugly. It needs to be cheap, too, this one’s—Jesus, £1400. It's hideous, as well.”

“What about…” Remus dug through the rack, until he found a sleeveless white dress.

“How much?”

Remus checked the tag. “Holy shit, £200. The others were all at least £700.”

“Dude!” said Lily. “I’ll try it.” She took the dress into the changing room. 

Remus waited expectantly. And waited a little bit longer. And a bit longer. “What in the shit is taking so long?”

“I LOOK SO GOOD.” Lily’s voice was cracking.

“Come out, idiot.”

She stepped out of the changing room, her eyes sparkling with tears. Remus audibly gasped.

“We need to get you some better shoes,” said Remus, looking at her ratty trainers. “But it’s perfect, Lils, you look amazing.”

“And it’s CHEAP,” she yelled. The attendant looked at her, irritated. “Sorry. Can I buy this?”

1st October, 1978

12.51am

Sirius Black was crying.

Remus opened the door after a long night of Trying Not To Get Killed. “Padfoot?” He dropped his satchel and rushed over to him.“Hey, hey—what’s going on?”

“I think I’m racist against blonde people,” said Sirius.

“Oh thank god, I thought something real had happened.”

“This is real!”

“No, you’re just drunk,” said Remus, rather irritated. “Christ, Sirius, I was out for three hours.”

“It was better than thinking about what could happen to you.”

Remus sighed. “What do you mean, racist against blonde people? That isn’t a thing. Peter is blonde. So’s Alice. So’s Frank.”

“And I’m not trying to snog any of them, am I?” said Sirius.

Remus stared at him wearily. “Frank.”

“…Oh yeah.”

“Sirius, this can’t happen again, OK? I don’t want to come home to you drunk-crying because you think you’re racist against blonde people. Please start acting like a human."

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well. Have fun on the sofa.”

Sirius sighed deeply. “I guess I deserve that. Goodnight, my love.”

“Er, before I go, I’m going to be heading home for a few days.”

Sirius looked at him, concerned. “What?”

“I’ve told Dumbledore. My mum’s sick.”

“What?” Sirius stood up. “Remus!”

Remus shook his head. “I’m not discussing this with you while you’re shitfaced.”

“You didn’t _tell_ me? Is it bad?”

“Goodnight, Sirius.”

1st October, 1978

6.32am

“Morning,” said Sirius. Remus sighed deeply.

“I thought I’d escaped you by being up early.”

“And I knew you’d think that. I made you coffee.” 

“I don’t want it.”

Sirius looked at him. “It’s an apology.”

“No it isn’t.” Remus stared back at him. “An apology is words, not bribery.”

“Write to me,” said Sirius gently. “And drink your coffee, you’re tired as shit.”

“You’re hungover as shit.” Remus dropped his satchel.

“Not anymore. I drank a full bottle of sweet chilli sauce and ate an entire raw egg. It was very crunchy.”

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sweet Jesus. Salmonella.”

“Your train’s at 7.07, you should head off. The coffee’s in a thermos in there.”

Remus swallowed. “Thank you, Padfoot.” He headed into the kitchen and picked up the thermos, along with the bar of Cadbury’s that had ‘please don’t eat this before lunch, that’s gross’ written on it. “What’s gross is you eating an entire egg with the shell on it,” he called, before coming out of the kitchen. “Listen, I didn’t want to tell you this, but I left you a letter of advice in case you’re thinking of doing anything stupid,” he said reluctantly.

“This just says ‘Sirius, no. Don't. No.’.”

“Exactly.”

“Thank you, Moons.”

“I’ve got to go,” Remus said. “Goodbye, Sirius.”

“She’s going to be fine, Moony.”

16th October, 1978

10.02am

Unusually for Newcastle in October, and uncharacteristically for a funeral, it was a sunny day. Remus had seen it coming to an extent; she’d been ill for a while. What he hadn’t expected was such a rapid deterioration in her state. The funeral was a small affair. Quiet. It had to be, really. Large gatherings of people associated with wizards would’ve caused far too much attention. Euphemia was here, along with James. Remus had not allowed Sirius or Lily to come, but James had insisted. Nearly everyone here was a Muggle, save for Euphemia, James, his father and himself. He had tuned out of the service, but had listened to Euphemia’s stories of her, and his aunt’s. He didn’t want to relay any himself. His memories of her were private.

The wake was slightly more upbeat, but Remus felt like his head was full of cotton wool. James stuck close to him for the entire day.

“I need a whiskey.”

“No, you don’t,” said James. “What are you, Scottish? No.”

Remus exhaled. “Seriously, I just need a drink.”

“Numbing the pain for now won’t do anything, Remus. I know you, and you’ll end up drunk and rolling around in a graveyard. Which, incidentally, is what your mother will be doing in her grave.”

Remus downed his Fanta angrily. “Fuck you.”

“You’re welcome.” James put a hand on his shoulder. 

“What are you doing?”

“Comfort.”

“As a wise man once said…that’s _gay_ comfort.”

James smiled. “You should call Sirius, mate. He loves you more than anything in the world and I’m sure he wants to talk to you.”

Remus shook his head. “I don’t want…no.”

“Why not? You’re fucking falling apart, and with good reason. Sirius knows you better than anyone.”

“Yeah, well. I can’t…burden him with this shit. He's got his own problems.”

James stared at him.

“What?”

“Remus, your mother literally just…passed away, and you’re worrying about _Sirius_?”

“When you put it like that it sounds stupid.”

“No, it sounds like you are violently compassionate and empathetic. Too much so.”

“OK.”

The reply was somewhat out-of-character for Remus, but James didn’t say anything further. 

19th October, 1978

3.38pm

“I’ve got soup on, if you want it,” was the first thing Sirius said to Remus when he stepped into the small apartment. “You look exhausted.”

“No shit,” said Remus sharply, then shook his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”

“Moony, you’ve had a hell of an October. You can snap all you like.” Sirius put a hand on his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Moons. Just…sit down. Maybe I won’t subject you to my soup today, it’s deeply terrible. Takeout? I'm pretty sure Lily'll be over with stuff from the chippy or something later.”

19th October, 1978

7.41pm

“I brought Chinese,” said Lily, climbing in through the window.

“We would’ve given you a key if you’d asked, you know,” said Remus, his head in Sirius’ lap. 

“Prawn toast, bitch,” she said, setting a plastic bag down on the coffee table. “ _Doctor Who_?”

“Yep,” said Sirius. “We’re watching the old episodes. William Hartnell, baby.”

“The edutainment ones?” asked Lily, untying her ponytail. “Boring. This is going to get cold.”

“OK, OK.” Sirius paused it and Remus lifted his head so he could get up.

“I also brought Dr Pepper, because you both have a debilitating alcohol problem.”

She was booed.

“Shut up, idiots.”

They sat watching old Doctor Who and eating Chinese takeaway until Lily was basically asleep.

“I’m going to the Yorkshire Dales,” said Remus suddenly.

“You’re what?” asked Sirius.

“I’m going to the Yorkshire Dales.”

“What?”

“I’m going to the Yorkshire Dales.”

“What?”

“I’m going to the Y—”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mawwidge. mawwidge is what bwings us togevver today. mawwidge, that bwessed awwangemet; that dweam wivin a dweam. and wuv, twoo wuv, will fowwow uu fowevva...so tweasure your wuv

19th October, 1978

11.56pm

“What d’you want?” asked Dorcas. 

“I’m borrowing your car, I need the keys,” said Remus.

“What? You can’t have my car. No,” she replied, handing him the keys. “Don’t crash it.”

“I won’t. Thank you, babe.”

“How did you get here? You live in the middle of London. This is Surrey. Did you Apparate?”

“Tube. Goddammit, why did I not think of Apparating? Anyway, I’m going now. Thank youuu.”

“You’re welcome, bitch. I really regret giving you the keys to the store.”

“I’m a better bookstore owner than you.” Remus walked down the stairs and out of the bookstore door, and locked it.

“Oi,” said Sirius. Remus jumped.

“Jesus, Padfoot. Did you leave Lily alone in the apartment?” 

Sirius nodded. “She’ll just…climb out the window in the morning. I’m coming with you to…the Yorkshire Dales.”

“No, you’re not, cunt,” sighed Remus. 

“Yes I am! I can’t leave you alone right now.” Sirius put his hands on his hips.

“Then you’re coming as Padfoot. I’m not paying for another room.”

“We can just share a room,” said Sirius.

“Let me repeat, _Snuffles_. Yorkshire.”

“Oh. Right. OK, accepted. Sleep?”

“No, we’re going now.”

“Fuck.”

19th October, 1978

10.02am

“We’re here,” said Remus, shaking Sirius awake. “There was a huge amount of traffic.”

“I’m awake. I was awake for the whole journey. Wait, how were you awake?”

“I stopped off and had like, eight coffees. It was not safe.”

“Sweet Jesus. I’m glad you didn’t crash. Let’s check in.”

“Dog,” said Remus. Sirius checked to see if anyone was watching and suddenly Padfoot appeared. Remus got out and opened the door for him, because despite many wishes, he did not have opposable thumbs. “Morning, Mrs Kearns.”

“Remus! Christ in Heaven, boy, what’ve they been feeding you?” The sweet old lady behind the counter gave him a smile.

Remus chuckled. “Nice to see you, too.”

“Your accent gets more and more Southern every year. Did you get a dog?”

“Er—I know, and yes. This is Padfoot, and I’m sure I’ll go full Yorkshire after a couple of hours here.”

Mrs Kearns handed over a key. “I was so sorry to hear about Hope, love.”

“I…thanks. That’s why I’m here, actually.”

“Your mum did love this place. How long are you staying?”

“Two nights.”

“That’s £45, dearie.”

Remus furrowed his brow. “I thought it was £30 a night?”

“I’ve known you since you were three, Remus. Keep the dog on a leash.”

“Right. Thank you.”

26th October, 1978

3.51pm

“I’ve got an Order thing today,” said Remus. “Leaving in…” He checked his watch. “Nine minutes. Probably should’ve told you earlier.”

“Already?” asked Sirius, looking up from his book. 

“Yeah, I wanted to get back into it as soon as possible. It’s an overnight thing, I won’t be back until the morning.”

Sirius sighed. “Guess I’ll be crashing at James and Lily’s again.”

“Have fun with that. I’ll see you, my love.”

“Take a snack.”

“Fuck you.”

26th October, 1978

10.04pm

“GOOD EVENING!” Sirius yelled, after punching their door several times. James came to the door in a dressing gown, his hair sticking up even more insanely than usual.

“Remus out on a…thing?”

“Yep.”

“Lily is too. Come in.”

Sirius stepped into the small house James and Lily had found in the outskirts of London. “Exploding Snap?”

“Yes.”

26th October, 1978

12.54am

“James, how are you so bad at this?” said Sirius, laughing. 

“Shut your fuck mouth,” said James, part laughing, part infuriated. “Ah, shit, I’m out of booze.”

“Boo!” Sirius threw a card at him. “Oh, I nearly forgot. Can I run something by you, mate?”

“As long as you let me win this time.”

“Never. Anyway, I want to propose to Remus.”

“Propose right before my wedding and I will die at your funeral, Black. Wait—fucking WHAT?”

“Yep.”

“Can you do that legally?” James asked.

“Not technically. We’d just hold a wedding and pretend we’re married, I guess.”

“Do you have a…ring?”

“Well. Not really.”

James raised his eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

“I may have nicked one from Claire’s.”

“…Claire’s?”

“Claire’s Accessories.”

“Claire’s Accessories.”

“Yes. Claire’s Accessories. For £3. Well, technically it was free. I stole it.”

“You went into a Claire’s Accessories and stole a £3 ring intended for a preteen girl, while being a six foot punk man in a leather jacket and combat boots.”

“No, I got Nymphadora to steal it for me.”

“What the hell is a Nymphadora?” asked James.

“James! I told you this! She’s Andromeda’s six-year-old.”

“Oh, right. You got a six-year-old to shoplift for you?”

“Yes.”

“Wait, you’re PROPOSING?”

Sirius sighed. “Maybe. You need to get past this, Prongs.”

“And with a £3 stolen ring?”

“You proposed with a twist tie, Potter, and I don’t have any money.”

“That’s a fair point. Let’s see it, then.”

“You just…assume I have it on me? Now, at my brother's house, even though I did not bring clothes or my toothbrush, because I know you have a spare one for me?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you are right, I absolutely do,” said Sirius, bringing out a cheap fake silver ring with the paint already rubbing off it. “I love it. It’s so bad.”

James gasped. “It’s terrible! He’ll love it.”

“I don’t know if he’ll say yes, though. Remus isn’t a real sort of…marriage guy, is he?” asked Sirius, rubbing the back of his neck. James pointed at him accusingly. “What?”

“You’ve picked up his habits! That’s disgusting.”

“Who raised you?”

“A fine and upstanding woman! Anyway, I think you should do it. He’ll say yes.”

Sirius sighed. “Will he, though?”

“Yes.”

“ _Will he_ , though?”

“Do you want to practise? OK, you be Remus and I’ll be you—”

“Other way, mate.” Sirius was beginning to regret this.

“Right, that’s a better idea. Hello, Sirius. Sirius Black, my beloved.”

“…D’you want to marry me?”

“That’s a terrible proposal!” cried James. “Do it better!”

“OK, OK!” yelled Sirius. “Er—Remus. You have made my life…pretty good. Will you be my husband?”

“OF COURSE, MY DARLING DEAREST LOVE, MY SWEETEST DOG STAR, I LOVE YOU.”

“What the fuCK KIND OF REMUS IMPRESSION WAS THAT—”

“Fine, fine! I’ll be better! Ask me again!”

“Remus, will you marry me?”

“No.”

Sirius hit him with a pillow. “FUCK you—”

James laughed and shoved him off. “You ever worry we act too much like teenagers?”

“We are teenagers.”

“You know what I mean. This is your Actual Future, and we’re acting like you’re just asking him out on a date or something.”

Sirius sighed. “That’s the only way to live life, my friend. Fuck growing up. Take nothing seriously.”

“We’re in the middle of a war.”  


“And Voldemort looks like if someone bleached Poseidon, stole his nose, and then sat on him. Take. Nothing. Seriously.”

James nodded. “Ah, maybe you’re right. D’you reckon they’re dead?”  


“Remus and Lily? No.”  


“They could be.”  


“If they are, then you’ll have to hold a wedding with a corpse, because I have many, many non-refundable deposits.”

“OK. I can hack that. Hey, I’m probably more likely to find a priest who’ll hold a wedding between me and Lily’s corpse than you and Remus’ alive body.”  


Sirius snorted. “True.”

30th October, 1978

7.00am

“James Potter, get out of this house!” said Remus, who had stolen a key. James was dragged out of bed and shoved into a Mysterious Car (Dorcas’, because she was the only one who had a car) while still in his pyjamas. 

“This has been excellently organised,” said Lily, currently looking like a swamp witch.

“Thank you. In this house we have the bridesmaid team, who are currently making you breakfast,” said Remus. 

“I can only imagine how that’s going,” she replied. As if on cue, there was a shriek.

“Ignore it, I’m sure they’re fine. Technically I am also a groomsman, but this was my priority as I am…maid of honour. I have to say I admire your and James’ fair distribution of genders across both teams.”

“It was mainly because James doesn’t understand Frank as a person. Oh my god, I’m getting married.”

“You’re getting married!”

“Come here, you idiot.”

Remus sighed and joined her on the bed. “Question: fried or poached eggs?”  


“Fried.”  


“Good, I guessed right.”

“Hey, when are you going to tie the knot, then?” Lily leant her head on his shoulder. 

“What?”  


“With Sirius.”

“We can’t, fool.”  


Lily sighed. “Not legally, just…you can be married without Being Married, you know? Look at Dorcas and Marlene.”

“I kind of get what you mean, I guess.”  


“I’d say yes if he asked, but it's not like I'm going to ask him.”  


Lily smirked. “Coward.”  


“EGGS,” yelled Marlene, throwing the door open. Frank and Alice followed, Alice holding a tray.

“Good morning, Lily _Evans_ ,” said Frank, with a grin.

“EAT,” shouted Marlene, and Alice threw the tray at her. It fell on the floor. “That’s OK, it was mainly shell anyway.”

“Get dressed, Almost-Potter! There’s a lot to do today,” said Alice.

30th October, 1978  


7.04am

“WHOSE CAR IS THIS?’ yelled James, still half-asleep and in his boxers. Sirius threw a pair of jeans and a shirt that said ‘THE STAG’S STAG’ on it.

“It’s mine, idiot,” said Dorcas, who was driving well below the speed limit. “I’m the only one with a car.”  


“Oh, yeah.”

“Get dressed,” said Peter, from the front seat. “There’re pubs to crawl.”

“But first! We’re going to a diner for breakfast and then a Quidditch game,” said Sirius.

“FUCK YEAH,” yelled James.

“FUCK YEAH,” yelled Sirius.

“FUCK YEAH,” yelled Peter.

“Sweet Jesus,” said Dorcas. “I deeply regret managing to be better friends with you than Lily. That said…FUCK YEAH.”

30th October, 1978

8.31am

“What’s on the menu for today, then?” said Lily, digging into eggs that Frank had remade.

“So, first you, Marlene and Alice are going for mani-pedis. Frank and I don’t want to get murdered, so we’re going to go finalise the catering for tomorrow.”  


“It’s going to be so fun,” said Frank, already bored.

“After that we’re getting lunch, and then there’s a spa place that I found.”  


“HELL YEAH, FREE SPA DAY!” yelled Lily.

“Then we’re coming back here, and…drinking game.”  


“Fuck yeah,” said Alice, at the exact same time as Marlene.

“However, you cannot wake up hung over tomorrow, so limits.”  


Marlene and Alice booed him.

30th October, 1978

11.59pm

“WE’RE HOOOOME,” yelled a deeply drunk Dorcas. The Bridesmaids booed and threw straws at them.

“GET OUT, YOU CAN’T SEE HER BEFORE THE WEDDING!” Marlene shrieked. “OUT, DAMNED SPOT.”

“WHAT, YOU EGG?” yelled Sirius. “YOUNG FRY OF TREACHERY?”

“GET THEE TO A MOTEL, IDIOTS,” shouted Remus, and that was the last word.

31st October, 1978

7.00am

“Morning, sunshine,” said Remus, handing her a pastry and a glass of orange juice. “Big day.”  


Lily sat up and took the orange juice. “Oh, God. Oh, God. I’m terrified.”

“You’re going to be fine, Lils.”

“Were you drunk-quoting Shakespeare last night?”  


“Yes, a bit. Get up, Sirius has to do your hair when he gets here and Alice has to do your makeup.”

“OK. Fuck.” She exhaled shakily. “I love him. I love him so much.”

Remus smiled. “I know. Now, get your ginger arse downstairs, you look like a nightmare.”

31st October, 1978

7.00am

“Awaken, darling.” Sirius jumped onto James’ motel bed, causing him to awake with a start.

“SHIT.”  


“If I broke your leg, then worth it. How’re you feeling?”  


James exhaled sharply. “I am SHITTING IT, MATE—”

“Of course you fucking are. You love her, don’t you?”  


“So much. I love her so much.”

“Then get up! Go put on a suit! And comb your fucking hair,” said Sirius, grabbing his jacket. “I have to go sort out Lily. DORCAS, SORT OUT JAMES!”

“Got it,” said a rather grumpy Dorcas.

31st October, 1978

12.30pm

“I can’t do this!” cried Lily frantically.

“Lily, you’ve got two minutes until you walk down the fucking aisle with your dad—” Marlene was shoved off. Remus gripped Lily by the shoulders.

“Are you a man?”

“What?” 

“ _Are you a man_?”  


“No! I am very much a not man!”  


“THEN ACT LIKE ONE. Or - not one, whatever! You love that fucking moron standing there more than anyone else in the world, and you look _fucking_ amazing right now, so go and sign the shitbiscuit motherfucking piece of paper, Lily Potter.”

Lily laughed shakily. “I hate you!”  


“I love you. Go.”

James Potter had never been less certain of anything in his life. And then Lily walked down the aisle, and suddenly he was. 

1st November, 1978

12.04am

They had tied approximately three cans of once-full beans to Elvendork and a ‘just married’ sign and that was that.   


“I NEED HER BACK TOMORROW,” shouted Sirius. Lily flipped him off from the back of the motorcycle. Remus came up and hugged him from behind. 

“What’s that?” he asked, looking at the cheap ring in his hands.

Sirius hid it hastily. “Ah, shit. I mean—nothing. What? Who are you?”

“Padfoot.” 

“I promised James I’d wait until after the wedding!”  


“To do what?” Remus Lupin, King of Obliviousness.

“Fuck—um, do you want to…get…errr—”

“Get what?”  


“A…mortgage. Do you want to get a mortgage?”

“You _what_?” Remus looked Violently Confused. “Sirius, you already own a house.”

“Kiss the boy, Sirius,” said Marlene, passing by.

“FUCK OFF, SEBASTIAN.”

“Little Mermaid was 1989, Sirius,” said Remus, grinning slightly. “What the hell is going on?”  


“…It’s a proposal.”  


Remus stared at him.

“A…business proposal! Want to invest?”  


“Motherfucking Christ on a trike, Sirius.” Remus had apparently finally caught on. 

He sighed. “Sorry. Didn’t quite expect to fuck this up this badly.”  


“Eh, Lily’s was worse. I think. This was pretty bad.”

“Do you want to…marry me?”  


Remus nodded. “No.”

Sirius looked aghast. “What? James was right!”  


“I’m joking. Yes.”

“What? James was right again! Wait, did you say yes?”  


“Yes.”  


“…Rad. Totally tubular, my dude.”  


“This is the least romantic thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” said Dorcas, looking amazed.

“A six-year-old stole this for me!” said Sirius triumphantly, putting the ring on Remus’ finger. “God fuck it, I wasn’t meant to tell you that.”

“You are very lucky I love you,” said Remus, laughing. “You’re awful. You’re so bad.”

“I know,” sighed Sirius, leaning in for a kiss. “Wait, can I do that again?”  


“Go ahead.”  


“Not now. On a date, or something.”  


“Oh. Ugh, fine. Do I have to act surprised?”  


“Yes!” Sirius put his hands on his hips. “Obviously!”

“Fine. When and where?”  


“The Dorlene bookstore, Saturday. That’s where I was…originally going to do it. Propose.”

“Ah, I just won another bet,” said McGonagall. “Congratulations.”

"Motherbitch fuck," said Remus, whose swearing abilities had been getting drastically worse in the last 24 hours.

"Five points from Gryffindor."  


"What?"

3rd November, 1978

8.11am

“I can’t believe they’re going to _Mexico_ ,” sighed Marlene, somehow in their kitchen. Remus stared at her, his eyes barely open. 

“Sorry, I had a _very_ long night last night. How’d you get in?”  


“Your flat is _not_ secure, dude,” she said. “You need better window locks, especially because you’re rebel fighters in a war.”

“You may have a point. SIRIUS, YOU NEED TO WEAR CLOTHING, MARLENE’S HERE,” he bellowed up the stairs.

“Well, that’s the worst thing I’ve heard all week,” said Marlene. “I made pot noodles.”

“It is 8 in the morning.”

“It’s the only thing I know how to cook! Full disclosure, I lost the flavouring so I used coffee granules and hot sauce.”

“Whatever. I’m deeply hungover anyway. Bring it on.”

“It was Thursday yesterday, Remus,” said Marlene.

“And I make bad choices. What were you saying about Mexico?”

“James and Lily’s honeymoon. They’re starting out in Dent and then going to Mexico.”

“…Dent?” asked Remus, drinking a mug of the noodle-coffee-hot sauce Hell. “Like, the obscure village in the Yorkshire Dales, Dent?”

“Why the fuck do you know that?” she asked. Remus shrugged. “You are an infinite bank of random facts.”

“Thank you.”

Sirius came down the stairs. “Why do I smell coffee and chicken?”

“The chicken I have no idea, but Marlene made ramen with coffee and hot sauce as a substitute for flavouring.”

“Delicious. Can I have some?” 

“You two are as bad as each other,” said Marlene, amused. “I’m here for it. Happy birthday, by the way, Sirius.”

“Oh, it is my birthday,” said Sirius. “Nearly forgot.”

“I got you a watch,” said Remus. “It’s…somewhere. I didn’t wrap it, so if you find a watch in the flat somewhere, just take it.”

Marlene snorted. “Romance.”

“Fun fact, we’re engaged,” said Sirius.

Marlene snorted. “Yeah, sure you are.”

“We are!” said Remus. “That wasn’t a fake proposal you heard. That was his real, actual, genuine request for me to stay with him for the rest of his life. That was how he chose to do it. By asking me if I wanted to get a mortgage, then asking me if I wanted to invest in stocks, and _then_ asking him to marry him.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet,” said Marlene. “You asked to do it again, right?”

“Yeah, I’m not an idiot. Oh, I’m doing it at your store, by the way.”

“What? Why? No,” she said. 

“Gay space! A…spgayce! It’s the only place I could think of, and also he likes books,” said Sirius.

“You’re spoiling the romance, Padfoot,” said Remus. 

“I did that when I asked you to invest in stocks.”

“That is true.”

Marlene smiled. “You two are disgusting.”

“You opened a small bookstore in the suburbs with your wife,” pointed out Remus. 

Marlene took a sip of spicy coffee noodles. “Shut up.”


	3. Chapter 3

4th November, 1978

11.56am

“Alright, ring,” said Remus, holding out his hand. 

"It's meant to be a surprise," Sirius grumbled.  


"Not anymore, it isn't." Sirius put the ring he had bought for £3—not had a six-year-old steal—into his hand.

“Remus Lupin, will you marry me?”

“Sirius Black, I will marry you.” Remus chuckled and shook his head. “That’s insane. And way too fast.”

“Insane and wa—”

“No,” interrupted Remus. “No. Stop talking. No. Close your mouth.”

“Cl—”

“No. End it. No. Stop. No. No more words. You just proposed to me, don’t ruin it. Stop it.”

“OK, now that you’ve done that, will you clean up the Crime section?” asked Dorcas, her curly hair piled on top of her head.

“Ruining the moment, Dorcs,” said Marlene, hugging her from behind. 

“You’re ruining the moment too, Marly,” said Remus. “Sirius ruined it first, though. By the way, Dorcas, will you officiate?”

“You what?” she asked. “Why?”

“Because you’re the closest thing to Jesus we know,” said Sirius. “Lesbian Jesus.”

Dorcas blinked. “Sure.”

“Am I invited?” asked Marlene earnestly.

“Obviously. Actually—groomsman?” asked Sirius. She clapped her hands.

“Hell yes.”

“Er, should I be congratulating you guys? This was the least excited proposal I’ve ever seen,” said Dorcas. 

“They were kind of already married,” said Marlene. “Like us. Wait, should we hold a wedding?”

“Oh,” said Dorcas. “Maybe we should.”

“Not yet, idiots,” said Sirius indignantly. “Remus—” But Remus had gone to sort out the Crime section.

“He loves this place more than we do, I swear,” said Marlene. “Oh, shit, I need to go sort out my will.”

“You what?” said Sirius, surprised. “Your will?”

“It might be a bit early. I am 19. But, you know. War and stuff.” Marlene folded her arms.

“Hmm.”

“So, when’s the date?” asked Dorcas, hastily changing the subject.

“Remus!” called Sirius. “When are we doing this?”

“Next Sunday?” 

“Next Sunday.” Sirius turned back to Marlene and Dorcas.

“You two are such romantics,” sighed Marlene. “This one never even proposed.”

“Neither did you,” said Dorcas, shelving some new releases. “Anyway, I know you’d say yes if I asked.”

“You can’t know that,” said Marlene. “Only way to know for sure is to ask.”

“You want to marry me?” asked Dorcas, not looking away from the shelf. Marlene grinned.

“Yeah.”

“And you two make fun of us for being unromantic! At least we redid it,” said Sirius.

“Yeah, and in a bookstore! That’s at least slightly romantic,” added Remus. “And at least he was looking at me when he asked, too.”

7th November, 1978

3.33pm

“Welcome back,” said Sirius, who was on Lily and James’ sofa. James shrieked. “It’s only me.”

“Afternoon, Padfoot,” said Lily, taking off her gloves. 

“I came here to give you your wedding present!” he said. 

“Oh, I was meaning to ask you about that,” said James, having gotten over his near-heart attack. “We need a microwave. We just don’t have one. We should.”

“It’s not a microwave,” said Sirius, standing up and revealing Poseidon, who was looking deeply annoyed at being carried for so long. “It’s him.”

James gasped. “What?”

“My neighbour is allergic to cats and is a cunt,” he said. “So…we must say farewell.”

“I’ve been waiting for this day for so long,” said Lily tearfully, taking him carefully. “Hello, sir.”

“Look after him well,” said Sirius.

“We will, good man, we will.” James scratched behind Poseidon’s ears. “Do you have any cat food?”

“Yeah, I brought a ton. Also, me and Remus are getting married this Sunday. James, you’re my maid of honour. OK, bye, cat food’s in the kitchen.” Sirius left. 

“WHAT?” Lily bellowed out of the door, earning her an odd look from an elderly Muggle lady. "MOTHERFUCKER, _WHAT_?" And Sirius had Disapparated.

12th November, 1978

9.00am

“Morning,” said Sirius, coming downstairs looking Deeply Tired. “Wedding day.”

“Is it?” Remus smirked and took a sip of tea. 

Sirius listened to what was playing and frowned. “Sinatra?”

“Yup. It’s what was stuck in my head when we first kissed. Or rather, when we second kissed. In the library.”

“Oh that’s dorky,” said Sirius, deeply amused. “What, Fly Me To The Moon?”

“Well - that's what I'm playing, but technically it was the Coffee Song.”

“Oh.” Sirius flopped down on the sofa next to him. “That’s rather less romantic, dear.”

“I know, but it reminds me of you now, no matter how hard I try to stop it.”

“Dork.”

“Yep.”

12th November, 1978

1.41pm

“Remus, what are you wearing?” Lily was staring at him, horrified.

“Cardigan.”

“No! No cardigan! No! No card—cardigan no!”

“Sirius is wearing jeans and a leather jacket! I get the cardigan!” Remus cried.

“Sirius is wearing jeans and a leather jacket?” Lily was going to die. “Just take the damn cardie off, Remus!”

“No! I like it! He likes it, too.”

“GOOD GOD, LUPIN.”

12th November, 1978

10.01pm

“I have a wedding gift for you,” Sirius said, resting his head on Remus’ lap.

“Oh, god,” said Remus. “No knives. You don’t need more knives.”

“I only have four knives, and I’m quitting smoking.”

“That’s not a gift, it’s a health choice. But it does mean I don’t have to kiss an ashtray.” Remus looked down at him fondly. “Oh, I nearly forgot.”

“What?”

“Wedding night.”

“Oh. Fuck yeah.”

“But first,” said Remus. “Honeymoon destination.”

“I’d say road-tripping across the USA, but we don’t have any money, so…Scotland?”

“Fine. OK, that’s over, let’s get to the good bit.”

15th November, 1978

3.04am

“Hufflepuffs live in an endless dystopia of friendship and plants,” said Remus. Sirius sat up and stared at him groggily.

“What?”

“Slytherins live in an endless dystopia of snakes and self-hatred.”

“That is not what you said first.”

“Ravenclaws just…I don’t know what Ravenclaws do, man.”

“Alright, pass the joint,” said Sirius. Remus sighed and handed it to him.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Sirius looked at him for a few seconds. “Who cares?”

“What?”

“Who cares? As long as you kind of know it’s right.”

Remus exhaled, a small smile on his face. “Darling, you could never be wrong.” Sirius kissed him.

“That’s my line. I’m putting this out. Go to sleep.”

25th December, 1978

4.02pm

“We’re out of eggs,” said Remus, looking hopelessly at the mostly-empty fridge. “We’re out of everything, actually. I can offer you…a can of refried beans in a tortilla for dinner.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“I haven’t eaten a vegetable in three weeks and I think I’m sweating coffee. Did you know that I wanted to go to a Muggle uni?”

“You still could, Moony,” said Sirius, coming into the kitchen and gently shutting the fridge. 

“Unfortunately, I think I’d rather not commit forgery for something I can’t even afford.”

“That…is a fair point. I’ll go to the store.”

“Eggs, bread, tequila.”

“Sounds like a fun night.”  


25th December, 1978

4.11pm

“Store’s closed,” said Sirius, stomping his boots on the mat.

“What—why? It closes at five,” said Remus. “Is it a Sunday, or something?”

“It’s Christmas, apparently.”

“Christmas?” 

“Yes. You know that thing where everyone celebrates Jesus?” Sirius took off his coat and hung it up.

“I thought that was next week. No tequila, then?”

“Nope. Looks like it’s refried bean hell tortillas for Christmas dinner.” Sirius flopped down on the sofa. “As a Christmas present can we watch the Wizard of Oz again?”

“Fine.”

30th January, 1979

7.04am

“Morning, Lils,” said James cheerfully. “Pancakes.”

“Morning, Jim. Happy birthday me.”

“Indeed. Happy birthday you. Sit down.” 

She sat at the table and James put a plate of pancakes in front of her. “Thank you, darling.” She kissed him.

“And that’s why I do it, folks. Um—I’ve reserved a fancy restaurant for tonight, and then I have to get you back here by nine for your surprise party dAMN IT.”

She chuckled. “You’re so bad at this.”

“I know, I know. Peter and Marlene are out on a call tonight so they can’t make it, but I annoyed Dumbledore into letting Remus come.”

“Radical.”

James’ eyes crinkled. “You’re terrible. Anyway, before that…two tickets. _Apocalypse Now_.”

“Brilliant! I was wanting to see that!”

“I know, dear wife, I know. Hence, tickets. It’s at three, so we can eat lunch here and then head out.”

“I love you, Potter.”

“I love you too, Potter,” he said with a grin. “I never get sick of that. Lily Potter.”

30th January, 1979

8.58pm

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” 

“Oh my God! Wow! This is such a surprise!” cried Lily. “No one could have predicted this!”

“Dammit, James!” yelled Sirius. “Not again.”

“I’m sorry! I tried!” James chucked his keys onto the table. “Someone give me some alcohol!”

“Hell yeah,” said Dorcas, handing him a glass of Firewhiskey. “We’re adults now. We drink out of the glass.”

“FUCK YEAH!” yelled Sirius.

3rd February, 1979

1.33am

“I’m back,” said Remus. Sirius was sitting on the sofa, legs tucked up beside him, holding a letter. “Padfoot? What’s wrong?”

“Uh…my—my dad died.”

Remus’ brow furrowed. “What?”

“I got a letter from Regulus. Don’t worry about me, I’m not sad, or anything. He was a…spiteful, stupid prick. I’m just…shocked.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“Good riddance.” Sirius tossed the letter into the fire. “He deserved to die.” Remus raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say anything.

12th March, 1979

8.03am

“Lily?” called James. Lily poked her head out of the bedroom, looking sleepy and holding Poseidon.

“What?”

“I’ve—I’ve got to go home. To my mum and dad’s, I mean.”

“Is everything OK?” she asked, looking concerned. 

“Dragon pox. Both of them have it, I’ve got to take care of them.”

“OK. Hang on a second, I’ll pack.”

“No—you don’t have to come with me, Lils,” said James, scratching the back of his neck.

“James.”

“It’s fine, Lily, honestly.”

“I’m coming with you,” she said gently. “I’m your wife, James, and you’re not going to be alone for this.”

“I—Poseidon.”

“James, we can get Sirius and Remus to house-sit for a few days.”

“Right. Right, of course we can. Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry, love. Now, give me fifteen minutes.”

20th March, 1979

12.45pm

“Mum, I really think you two should go to hospital,” said James gently.

“No, Jamesie, we’re fine, really.”

“You’re sick, Mum.”

“We’re fine! Just as long as we have you in the house, we’ll be all right.” Euphemia smiled and patted him on the cheek. James sighed. 

“OK.”

24th March, 1979

5.12am

“Lily?” James gently shook her awake. She sat up uneasily. “They’re gone. They’re gone.”

“Oh, Jim.” Lily wrapped her arms around him.

“It’s OK. They were old.” He was crying. “They were ready to go.”

“I’ll make the calls. Listen, you need to get some sleep.”

“I’m fine, Lily, really. I can do it.”

Lily sighed. “That’s the reason I’m here, James. Go to sleep. I’ll sort it out.”

He swallowed. ”OK. OK. I love you.”

“I love you too, James.”

14th April, 1979

8.08pm

“To death!” cried Sirius. James clinked his glass against Sirius’. 

“Salud.”

“Hell fuck yeah,” said Dorcas, slurring violently. “You are going…to need rides home. You’re Apparating nowhere like this.”

“Yup.” 

“Regulus is dead. My dad’s dead. Your dad’s dead,” said James, pointing at Dorcas. “Your ex-dad’s dead. My mum’s dead. Dorcas’ mum’s dead. Your mum, sadly, is still alive, not dead.”

“I wish she was,” said Sirius. “I wish she was.”

“My sister’s still sticking around, fortunately. But people die! And sometimes the answer…is vodka,” said Dorcas. “Grief sucks.”

“Grief sucks!” exclaimed James. 

“Good God,” said Marlene, coming in through the door. “For once, I’m the sober one.”

“Regulus died!” yelled Sirius, rather too cheerfully.

“ _What_?” Marlene’s joking manner was replaced immediately by concern. “Sirius!”

“Fuck you,” slurred Sirius.

“Sweet Jesus.” Marlene shook her head. “I’m calling Remus. And Lily.”

“Booooo,” said Dorcas and James at the same time.

“No, she’s right.” Sirius stood up, stumbling. “She’s right.”

Marlene dialled a number and picked up the phone. “It’s me. Come get your husband, he’s grieving and doesn’t know how to deal with it. Regulus. Yeah - I _know_ that. Just Apparate here and you can take Dorcas’ car back. I’ll collect it in the morning. No, he can't Apparate, he'll decapitate himself - get here!”

14th April, 1979

10.04pm

“This is _not_ the way to deal with the loss of a loved one, Padfoot, and you know it,” said Remus sternly.

“I didn’t love him. He was…he was a Death Eater, Remus. He deserved to die.”

Remus sighed. “He was your brother, Sirius.”

“And a bitch of a brother, too. A racist, disloyal, son-of-a-bitch Death Eater.”

“You realise if he’s a son of a bitch, you are too, right?”

“She isn’t my mother,” Sirius spat. 

“No, she isn’t. But he was your brother.”

“James is my brother. Regulus wasn’t.”

Remus exhaled. “You keep his Christmas cards on the fridge.”

“I’ll burn them when we get back, then.”

“Sirius.” Remus’ eyes flicked away from the road towards him. “Are you fifteen?”

“What?”

“Are you fifteen years old?”

“No.”

“Then why are you acting like it? Are you incapable of showing emotion? Are you that insecure in your masculinity? Your brother just died, Sirius, and I know for a fact you didn’t hate him.”

Sirius didn’t respond.

“It’s OK, Padfoot. Jesus, just…you don’t have to torture yourself.”

“I know.” Sirius’ voice was clearer now. “I just…didn’t know what to do.”

“It’s know. It’s OK.”

3rd May, 1979

9.04am

“SIRIUS, UP,” yelled Remus, hitting him with a pillow. Sirius groaned.

“WHY.”

“You have to vote.”

“BUT I DON’T WANT TO.”

“Yes, you do. Get up.” Remus grabbed his arms and dragged him out of bed.

“THEY’RE ALL WANKERS, REMUS.”

“So draw a dick on your ballot. Just don’t vote for Thatcher, or I’ll tear your eyes out,” said Remus.

“I was never going to vote for that evil _cunt_ , Lupin.”

“Then come on, also Lupin!”

4th May, 1979

8.19pm

“James, get out of this house,” said Remus, opening the door.

“This is my house! I was making dinner,” said James indignantly, holding a wooden spoon. “Lily’s sad and I don’t know why.”

“I’ll finish it! Get out!”

“Fine!” James dropped the spoon on the counter and left, then immediately came back in to get his keys. Lily was on the sofa, sniffling.

“She’s a sociopath, Remus. A sociopath.”

“I know.” Remus picked up the wooden spoon. “I know. JAMES, OUT, I KNOW HOW TO FUCKING MAKE SPAG BOL.”

"When do I get to come back?"  


"Tomorrow! Go! Anyway - I know, Lily, it's fucking ridiculous."

“My dad works in the mines! This country is broken, and my family is fucked.”

“I’ll finish dinner and we’ll eat the all the ice cream in your house, OK?”

Lily yelled into a pillow. “I hate people!”

“Yeah, but…spag bol.”

“You make a good point, my friend.”

16th June, 1979

11.44pm

“Lily, is that you?” called James, from where he was washing dishes. “Dearest?”

“Yes, darling?” responded Sirius. James shrieked.

“How did you get into my house?”

“Bitch, I do this all the damn time. How are you always scared?”

“I don’t know. Don’t call me bitch.”

“I’m sorry, whore,” said Sirius. “Help me make a cake.”

“What? Why?” asked James. “Actually, no, I want to. Lily’s punching Death Eaters, I could do with something to do.”

17th June, 1979

12.39am

“SIRIUS NO YOU CAN’T DO THAT—”

“IT'S HELPING - OH GOOD GOD, WHY IS THE PAN ON FIRE?”

“IT’S A FLAMBÉ, PADFOOT, A FLAMBÉ!”

“WHY ARE WE FLAMBÉ-ING A CAKE?”

“IT’S A PAN-CAKE!”

“Sweet Jesus,” said Lily, walking into the kitchen and rubbing her eyes. “I’m going to bed, can you guys shut up?”

“Yes of course my love—”

“NO, HE’S FLAMBÉ-ING A CAKE.”

“Ooh, let me help,” said Lily.

“NO,” they yelled at the same time. 

“I mean, we don’t need any help, my darling, go to bed. You’re exhausted,” said James.

“Smooth recovery, Prongs.”

“Shut up, Padfoot.”

Lily stared at them amusedly. “Goodnight. Sirius, get out of our house.”

“Yup. See you tomorrow.”

“No!” said James. “Help me finish this godforsaken cake!”

31st July, 1979

11.04am

“Remus, dear, Arthur and I are going on a date night tonight. I hate to be a bother, but would you mind looking after the kids for a night?” asked Molly.

“No, yeah, of course. I can babysit.”

“You live with Sirius, yes?”

“Yes,” said Remus woodenly. “He is my…roommate.”

“And you don’t mind looking after them?”

“No, course not,” said Remus.

“Brilliant. They’ll be angels, all of them. Bath time is at seven, dinner’s at six—oh, they’ll only eat spaghetti. Except Percy, he will only eat confit duck and fondant potatoes, as well as…chicken dinosaurs.”

“Good, because I don’t know what a confit is. Or a duck, really. What are they? Why are their teeth like that?”

Molly patted him on the shoulder, all too used to his bullshit. “Bill and Charlie are 8 and 6, respectively, Percy is 2 and Fred and George are 1.”

“OK. Alright, I’m pretty sure we can do this,” said Remus. “Me and Sirius make a good team.”

  
31st July, 1979

7.31pm

“GEORGE NO THAT’S DISH SOAP—IT DOESN’T GO ON THE TV! IT’S BEDTIME, YOU LITTLE NIGHTMARE—”

Remus was sipping tea, looking amused.

“Remus, help me!” cried Sirius. “I know I said I could do this alone! I lied!”

“Hey, Bill,” said Remus, kneeling down. “I bet you you can’t get Fred and George into bed. I’ll bet you five quid.”

“I’m eight years old, I don’t understand the concept of betting, nor do I understand the negative effects of gambling on my future life!”

“If you get Fred and George to go to sleep, I’ll give you £5 to spend at Zonko’s.”

Suddenly, the eight-year-old was on a mission.

“Charlie? OK, here’s the deal. If you can finish that homework sheet before Uncle Sirius can run to the park and back then you and Bill get to stay up and watch TV with us until 9.30.”

Now the six-year-old was on a mission.

“Go on, Uncle Sirius. Park and back,” said Remus.

“I’M COVERED IN BATHWATER, UNCLE REMUS, I’LL DIE OUT THERE.”

“Go. It’s July, you’ll be fine.”

“They’re in bed,” said Bill triumphantly. 

“Nice job. High five. D’you want an extra 50p?” Bill nodded. “Go make sure the twins aren’t torturing Percy, OK? If they are, just send me up. I’m going to help Charlie with his homework.”

31st July, 1979

7.45pm

“I’M BACK, I MADE IT,” panted Sirius. “PARK AND BACK.”

“You’re too late, I’m afraid, Uncle Bitch—I mean, don’t say that word. That’s a bad word.”

Bill and Charlie giggled. 

“Don’t swear in front of the children, Uncle Moony! Ugh, sh—dammmmmm—dang, that was harder than I expected.”

Remus grinned. “Alright, you kids ever seen Doctor Who? No? Dear God, Molly has been raising you wrong.”

31st July, 1979

9.21pm

Bill and Charlie had fallen asleep on each other by the time the second episode had finished. Sirius smiled when he saw them and turned off the TV.   
“You are…surprisingly good with kids, Moony,” he said, carefully picking up Charlie, who didn’t wake up. Remus shrugged and gently woke up Bill, who rubbed his eyes and headed upstairs. 

1st August, 1979

5.49am

“JUICE!”

Sirius rolled out of bed and woke up when he hit the floor. “Fuck. _What_?”

“J U I C E!” Fred and George began to walk in circles. “JUICE! JUICE! JUICE! JUICE!”

Remus sat up, slightly irritated.

“I’ll deal with it, Moony, I’ll deal with it,” said the floor.

“You’d better.” Remus flopped back down. Sirius stood up

“Alright, gremlins, let’s go find you juice.”

“You can’t call them gremlins,” warned Remus.

“JUICE! JUICE! JUICE!”

“Even if they are.”

1st August, 1979

8.06am

“I’m here, I’m here!” cried Molly, bustling into the small flat holding a newspaper. “Remus! Sirius!”

“Molly!” said Sirius cheerfully. “Your children are goblins.”

Molly hit him with a newspaper. “Those are my sons, you disrespectful—oh, God, they didn’t give you too much trouble, did they?”

“Nonsense, Molly. Bill, Charlie and Percy were angels,” said Remus, looking sternly at Sirius. “Fred and George are the goblins—ow, newspaper.”

“I’ll get them out of your hair now. Thank you, boys.”

They waved her and her goblin children out of the door. “‘Boys’. I am a fully grown adult man,” said Sirius resignedly. 

“Yeah, but you look about 12.”

“I do not! I do! Not! I! How dare! What! I Not!” Sirius stopped being able to say words because he was so deeply insulted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the bass line in use me makes me VERY HAPPY
> 
> also you get a christmas chapter on Monday!!! :))))))))))))))))))) as everyone who knows me knows i Love christmas so !!! happy chapter coming


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy :))))) christmas :))))))))))

12th October, 1979

7.19am

Sirius’ eyes flickered open to find an empty spot next to him. “Moons?” He sat up. Remus had been out on an Order call last night. “Moony?” A sickly nervous feeling filled his stomach. He stood up and hurried down the stairs. 

“I’m here, Padfoot, it’s fine.” Remus was sitting on the balcony in his pyjamas, his legs tucked up next to him on the chair. 

“Oh, thank fuck.” Sirius exhaled and joined him. “You scared me. I didn’t hear you come home last night.”

“Yeah, you were out cold. I kind of assumed you were dead, actually.”

“I’m a heavy sleeper.”

“I know. Go put a shirt on, Sirius.”

“And hide my glorious chest from the world? Never. What are you doing up?”

Remus didn’t look at him. “Nothing. Wanted to see the sunrise.”

Sirius looked at him, furrowing his brow. “Are you sure you’re OK, Remus? You seem a little…”

“I’m fine,” Remus said sharply. Sirius blinked, rather surprised.

“Okay. I…I’m going to go get dressed.”

12th October, 1979

7.51am

“I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier,” said Remus, rubbing his eyes. “There’s no excuse.”

“Remus, if you’ve learnt anything from me it should be that there’s always an excuse. You’re sick? Voldemort possessed you to make you do it? McGonagall, in cat form, said it when you opened your mouth to take a sip of tea?”

“How about my dog ate my patience?” suggested Remus with a grin. Sirius shoved him.

“Rude.”

“I’ll make pancakes to apologise.”

“Fuck yeah. You should yell at me all the time. Hang on, wait, no, that would crush me.”

Remus shook his head. 

3rd November, 1979

2.55pm

“I made you…a thing,” said Remus awkwardly. Sirius looked at him, concerned.

“What?”

“A cake. I made you a cake. I made a cake. A coffee one.”

Sirius grinned. “No shit?”

“I—yeah. It’s not great. It might taste like salt. What’s wrong? Are you terrified by the prospect, or something?” Remus stared at him. Then, slightly gentler: “Hey, what’s going on?”

“It’s the first time anyone’s ever…done that for me before,” said Sirius.

“No, it isn’t. Surely Euphemia—”

“Isn’t big on cakes, actually,” said Sirius. 

“Well, be warned, it’s a bit shit,” Remus said matter-of-factly. 

“I love you, Remus.”

Remus looked a tad surprised. “I love you too, Sirius. Now, do you want some, or not?”

“Yes.” Sirius took a bite. “Good God, this is an abomination. Did the spirit of Lily take over you while you were making this?”

“I knew I used salt.”

28th November, 1979

3.04pm

“Remus? Remus? Remus? Remus? REMUS—” The door opened suddenly and Lily nearly punched Remus in the face.

“Stop hitting our door,” said Remus. “What did it ever do to you?”

Lily swallowed, looking rather pale. “OK, so I have…news.”

“Oh—oh, God. Come in. Sit down.” She walked in and sat down on the sofa.

“You’ll want to sit down.”

Remus sat down next to her and took her hand. “Did he go bravely?”

“What?” Lily looked deeply confused. “James isn’t dead.”

Remus sighed in relief. “Oh thank God.”

“No, Remus, I’m—I’m pregnant. You’re going to be an uncle.”

Remus Lupin, the eternally cool and collected, fully screamed. Sirius came running down the stairs. 

“WHERE ARE THE DEATH EATERS—WHO HURT YOU—LILY, YOU EVIL BETRAYING SWAMP WITCH—”

“Padfoot, no,” said Remus. Lily stood up, walked over him and took his hands.

“Sirius. I have some news.”

Sirius’ eyes widened. “How did he die?”

“What—no! Why—James is fine. Sirius, I need to ask you…”

“Yes, I’ll marry you after you’ve divorced James.”

“Stop going off topic!”

James entered through the apparently still-open door. “Sirius, has Lily told you yet?”

“No, she said you were dead,” said Sirius, who was somehow holding a bagel.

“I did not say that!” cried Lily, after James looked at her, slightly insulted.

James walked up to him. “Padfoot, my dearest, oldest, most trusted friend—”

“I’m right here, Prongs,” said Remus, looking lightly offended. James ignored him.

“I’m pregnant,” said James seriously. “Will you be the godfather?”

Sirius crumpled and collapsed onto the floor.

“Did he just die?” whispered Lily. Remus leaned his head over the sofa and shook his head. 

“He’s still breathing.”

“I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG—FOR THIS—MOMENT,” sobbed Sirius. “THERE’S A BABY! AND I GET TO BE THE COOL UNCLE! OH MY GOD—THE COOL GODFATHER.”

“REMUS, YOU’VE GOT THE NEXT ONE!” yelled James, pointing at him dramatically. Lily laughed.

“You certainly do, Lupin. You’re next godfather, and that’s a promise,” said Lily. “Oh, this baby is going to have eight thousand siblings.”

“Was this planned?” asked Remus.

“Hell no,” said James. “Absolutely not. Oh my God, I’m going to be a dad! I’m going to be a dad!”

“I was panicking at first because, you know, I’m so young, and I’ve got a lot of my life to go, but that bitch over there is pitching in,” said Lily, pointing a thumb at James.

“Hell yeah I am, this bitch isn’t raising that baby alone,” he said. “Ooh! We need to go ask—“

“We’re asking Marlene to be godmother,” said Lily. “We chose one each. Next time, we’re going to do the same thing the other way around.”

Remus shook his head. “What? I understood none of that, you are babbling.”

“I’M EXCITED. I’M HAVING A BABY.”

“Next baby, Lily’ll choose the godfather and James’ll choose the godmother,” explained Sirius. “I can read his mind.” He pointed at James at the exact time James pointed at him. 

“That’s terrifying,” sighed Lily. “Come on, Jim. Let’s go. Fingers crossed!”

24th December, 1979

5.23pm

“WE’RE HEEEERE,” bellowed Lily, coming through the bookstore door carrying a bottle of Fancy Alcohol and some fizzy grape juice, because tonight, for the first time, Lily Evans was going to stay sober. There were cheers from the small flat above the bookstore. James hugged her from behind. She laughed. “Come on, James, we have to go up.”

“Are you sure we can’t stay over for Christmas?”

“We need to get back. My parents are coming over, because of the baby, and stuff. You know this.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

“Come on, let’s go up.”

24th December, 1979

7.59pm

“I LOVE YOU GUYS,” yelled Sirius. “Happy fucking Christmas.”

“Happy Christmas!” came the general consensus. 

“EVERYTHING IS BULLSHIT,” shouted Marlene. “Everything is bullshit and you are the constants.”

“To…constant-ness!” cried James, stone cold sober.

“To constantness,” replied Dorcas, deeply drunk.

“It is very weird being sober right now!” said Lily, laughing. 

“I kNOW, RIGHT!” yelled James. “I LOVE EVERYONE HERE! I LOVE YOU GUYS! SO MUCH!”

Remus was drinking vodka again.

25th December, 1979

1.04am

“Happy Christmas, babe,” said Lily, looking fondly at James, his arm around her shoulders.

“Happy Christmas.” James kissed her.

“We should get a car,” sighed Lily. “We can’t keep walking back like this.”

“True. It’s cold.”

“Mm. And I’m pregnant.”

“You are indeed. We’ll head down to the car dealership tomorrow and find one. Wait, I don’t have any Muggle money.”

“I know a guy. Er—one Galleon in pounds was like…£5 in 2001, and an average car’s about £12,000 in 2018—fucking Brexit—so that’s a 1:5 ratio, so it’s x:12000—um, it’ll be about 2400 Galleons if we ignore inflation and assume the wizard economy is really weird.”

“I understood none of that except 2400 Galleons.”

“Yeah,” sighed Lily. “Cars are an investment, and we’re starting a family. We need to think about that. Maybe I should get a real job.”

“We have enough, Lils. Way more than enough.”

“Oh.” Lily paused. “OK.”

“Yeah—I’m terrible with money, I’ve always had too much, and never really learnt how to manage it,” said James. “But you’re…not. So the combination of you being good with money and me having a lot of it means we…still have a lot.”

“Huh. Let’s buy a car.”

25th December, 1979

7.48pm

“We wiSH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WE WISH YOU A MERRY—”

“Shut up,” laughed Dorcas. “You’re terrible, Marly!”

Marlene dived next to her on the sofa and rested her head on her lap. “I know.”

“I’m going to lock up, OK? I’ll be back in a second.” Dorcas gently pushed her up and kissed her cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too, you sap. Be quick, Doctor Who’s on soon.”

26th December, 1979

3.06am

“Who the hell is knocking on the door at this time of night?” asked Remus, sitting up groggily.

“I’ll get it,” said Sirius croakily. “If I get murdered I deserve it.” Sirius hastily put on a dressing gown and headed down the stairs to open the door.

“Sirius,” said Arthur Weasley, looking rather more serious than usual.

“Arthur?” Sirius looked confused. “What are you doing here at three in the morning? Have you become a wild party man?”

“I’m afraid I have some news. Bad news.”

Sirius opened the door fully. “Come in. Should I get Remus down?”

“If you can.”

Sirius hurried upstairs and shook Remus awake. “It’s Arthur. Something’s happened.”

“What?” Remus sat up. “Is someone—is everyone OK?”

“I don’t know.” They went downstairs.

Arthur exhaled. “You may want to sit down, boys.”

They didn’t. Sirius unconsciously took hold of Remus’ hand. Arthur glanced, but didn’t appear to think much of it.

“Last night…some Death Eaters attacked the store of Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes. We’re told the Dark Lord himself was there.”

Sirius held on tighter.

“There were no survivors.”

A ringing filled Sirius’ ears. Arthur was still talking, gently, quietly, but Sirius could hear nothing he was saying.

“…have to get back to headquarters, Dumbledore’s expecting me.” Arthur left with a ‘so, so sorry for your loss’.

They stood there in silence for a few seconds.

“Marly,” said Sirius hoarsely. “Dorcas.”

Shock, thought Remus, was an interesting thing. He had experienced loss before; everyone had. However, he had never experienced a loss quite so jarring, quite so unexpected. He felt like someone had punched him directly in the stomach. They couldn’t be gone—he had seen them just over a day ago—they had been fine. They were fine. They were fine, and so in love with each other, and laughing, and fine. 

“I’m going to…make tea,” he said quietly. Sirius nodded and let go of his hand.

“OK. I need to call Lily and James. Peter, too.”

“Yeah. Yes.”

Sirius punched in the number and waited for someone to pick up.

“Hello?” came James’ rather tired voice. Sirius was about to say something when he heard a tea mug smash. He hung up quickly and went into the kitchen. Remus was crying.

Remus didn’t cry often—or at least, didn’t let Sirius see him cry often. Sirius didn’t know quite what to do; the last time he had seen Remus cry was—God, he didn’t know. It must’ve been after his mum died. Marlene and Dorcas were dead. That last thought shook him out of his thoughts, and Sirius took Remus’ hand.

“You’re freezing, Moony.”

Remus just looked at him helplessly. 

“Fuck the tea. Listen, go get a jumper on. I’ll call James and Lily.” Marlene and Dorcas were dead.

“OK. All right. I’m sorry.”

Sirius smiled softly. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He headed back to the phone. 

“Not again. If this is a prank call, I swear to God I’ll find you and murder you,” said James.

“No—James, it’s me.” Marlene and Dorcas were dead.

“Sirius? It’s the middle of the night. What’s happened?”

Sirius swallowed. “It’s bad, Prongs. It’s really…it’s bad. Listen, I know it’s late, but you—will you come over?”

There was a shuffling on the other end. “I—why? What’s happened?” he repeated.

“I really…I’d much rather tell you in person, OK? It takes five minutes to get to ours. Lily should come, too.”

“Yeah. Yeah, alright—babe, wake up—I’ll see you soon, Padfoot.” James hung up. Sirius quickly punched in the next number. No reply. He supposed Peter would have to find out in the morning. Marlene and Dorcas were dead.

26th December, 1979

3.21am

“Sirius.” James pulled him into one of his Trademark Rib-Cracking Prongs Hugs. Lily went in, saw Remus John Lupin’s face tear-streaked, and flew to his side.

“What’s happened? Jesus, Remus? What’s happened?”

“Marlene and Dorcas are…” Sirius swallowed. “Voldemort killed them.”

Tears began to fall from Lily’s eyes, but she didn’t quite seem to register them; she was staring at Sirius. James looked as though he’d just been punched in the gut. There was silence for a few minutes as it sank in.

“I wanted to say…goodbye.” Lily shook her head. “I always thought I’d be able to say goodbye.”

“Marlene was…godmother. And Dorcas had the next one,” said James. “She was my groomsman.”

“Exploding Snap,” said Remus suddenly.

“What?” James stared at him.

“We’re playing Exploding Snap.”

There was a pause.

30th December, 1979

6.47pm

“…Then there’s the matter of the funeral,” said Frank, a gloomy atmosphere hanging over the whole Order. Dumbledore stood up.

“At this time I do not think it wise—”

“To have a funeral?” Lily interrupted him. “All due respect, Dumbledore, but I will not allow the memories of my best friends to go unacknowledged.”

Sturgis Podmore, a grim-looking blonde man, shook his head. “Large numbers of Order affiliates in one place are bound to be a Death Eater magnet—”

“It’s not up for debate,” said Lily sharply. “Second of January, for all of you who are loyal to those you fight with.”

2nd January, 1980

3.02pm

“Snow.” Lily looked up at the rather depressingly grey sky. James took her hand and looked with her.

“Where’s Sirius gone?”

“I don’t know. To throw up, or cry, or something.”

James looked at her. “You know what that means, then.”

“What?”

“We have to send our best man after him.”

2nd January, 1980

3.09pm

“Hey, Black.”

“Go away,” came the muffled voice from the toilet stall. 

“No.”

Sirius opened the door reluctantly, his face puffy. “Frank?”

Frank put his hands on his hips. “I have to talk to you. About something…serious.”

Sirius’ eyes widened. “I’m always serious.”

“ _Serious_ ly, I have to talk to you.”

“To be Frank, I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”

“Come on now, you siriusly have to have gotten it by now.”

“Frankly, I’m offended that you’d even bring this up.”

“Why so Sirius, Black?”

“Now, enough puns. This is a… _grave_ situation.”

Frank’s face cracked and both of them started howling with laughter, Sirius crying again—but this time, in a less Sad way.

“Oh, thank God, you did it,” sighed Alice in relief, kissing Frank. Sirius yelled.

“Where did you come from? This is the men’s bathroom!”

Alice gave him a sad smile. “Filling in for Marlene. She’s otherwise engaged.”


	5. Chapter 5

8th January, 1980

10.52am

“Fuck fuck fucking shitface fucking wanker,” said Remus, having opened the mail with a knife.

Sirius looked at him amusedly. “Have I ever told you that you swearing is extremely sexy to me?”  


“You have, many times.”  


“I needed to tell you again. What happened?”  


“I stabbed myself.”  


“Shit.” Sirius stood up. “Is this a plaster or hospital thing?”  


“Er, can’t tell,” said Remus, holding up his hand, which had a knife in it.

“JESUS FUCK, REMUS—” Sirius rushed over. “OK, not an ambulance, it’s not like you’ve hit the bone, but A and E, definitely. I’ll call Dorcas—” He stopped.

Remus sighed. “I’ll drive myself.”  


“Remus, you don’t have a car.”

“Elvendork.”

“Not with a knife in your hand, idiot. Oh—James and Lily have a car now, I forgot.”  


Remus shook his head. “There’s no need to bother them.”

Sirius looked at him sternly.

“Calm down, McGonagall,” said Remus, almost laughing. “It’s fine, I’ll bandage it.”

“No. I’ll do it.” Sirius went into the bathroom and came out holding antiseptic and some bandages. “Sit down.”  


Remus sat down on a chair and held his hand out reluctantly. Sirius dabbed some antiseptic on it and started to wrap.

“I miss them, Padfoot.”  


“I know. I do too.” Sirius kept winding the bandage. “I know.”

“How are you…normal? You’re just—you’re normal.”

Sirius gave him a sad smile. “I was always the older brother.”  


“What does that mean?”  


“Cruciatus Curse. In the beginning it wasn’t…just me.”  


Remus’ brow furrowed. “Regulus?”  


Sirius nodded. “Tough love, she called it. Anyway, it’s an instinct, now. If you’re going through the same thing, then you don’t cry. It’s so that the other person can.”  


“That’s unhealthy.”  


“I know,” replied Sirius shortly. 

“You know you don’t have to do that with me, Padfoot. I’m your b—husband.”

“I know.” Sirius taped the bandage. “You’re done. Is it OK if I go for a walk?”

Remus smiled. “It’s OK if I come with you.”

29th January, 1980

10.39pm

“OPEN UP,” yelled Lily. Remus practically sprinted to the door.

“Lily? What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I need—” She walked in to the apartment. “Pickles and peanut butter.”

“What?”

“DID YOU NOT HEAR ME, MAN?” 

“ _What_?”

“PICKLES AND PEANUT BUTTER, DAMMIT!”

“Peanut butter’s in the cupboard, it’s not open, pickles are in the…fridge. Lily, what is happening?”

“What’s going on?” asked Sirius sleepily, coming down the stairs.

“THERE’S A CRAZY PREGNANT LADY IN OUR HOUSE,” shouted Remus. “She’s eating pickles and _peanut butter_.”

“Bleh.” Sirius pulled a face.

“Is this crunchy?” asked Lily, sounding disgusted.

“Yes,” said Remus, looking afraid.

“You…repel me,” she said. “Never in the history of this earth has a worm so disgusting crossed my path.”

“IT’S CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER, POTTER,” yelled Sirius. “TAKE A CHILL PILL.”

“You keep yelling at a pregnant woman and I’ll murder you, Black,” said Lily, holding a knife. Sirius recoiled.

“Can I stay here tonight? James is out on a thing.”

“You can have literally anything you want,” said Remus, duly horrified. “I will set the damn Thames on fire if you want me to.”

“Good. Go do that.” Remus went pale. She snorted. “Kidding. Do you have any marshmallows?” 

30th January, 1980

6.32am

“Sirius?” Lily gently shook him awake. He rolled over drowsily.

“Lils?”

“I have to get to St Mungo’s. It’s James.”

“What?” Sirius sat up. “Is he OK?”

"He’ll live, but he’s injured pretty badly. Listen, it’s family-only visiting for now—”

“He’s my brother.”

“Not legally, Padfoot. Listen, visiting’s from ten to two, so you can come down then,” she said gently.

“Whazhapening?” Remus had woken up.

“James is in hospital.” Lily was already dressed. “I have to go.”  


“He OK?”  


“No. He’s not going to die, but no,” said Sirius. “I’ll drive you, Lily.”  


“You can’t drive a car. At least, not legally.”  


“I can,” said Remus. “We’re all going.”

“You won’t be allowed in—“  


“We’re all going.”

“I’ll call Peter,” said Sirius. “Remus, get dressed.”

30th January, 1980

7.01am

“I’m sorry—what is your relationship to my patient?” asked the rather harsh-looking Healer who was apparently looking after James.

“Wife,” said Lily. 

“Brother,” said Sirius. The Healer looked at him disbelievingly. “I was adopted.”

“I’m his…” Remus paused. “Distant cousin.” Technically not a lie, Remus, nice job.

“I’m here, I’m here,” said Peter, panting slightly. 

“…Relationship to the patient?”

Peter stared at him. “I’m not a blood relative, I’m his…squire.”

“His _squire_.”  


“Yes.”

The Healer sighed deeply and allowed them all through.

“Oh, God, James,” said Lily, rushing to his side and grabbing his hand. Sirius did the exact same thing, mirrored on the other side.

“I did a bit of a fucko, lads,” James said croakily. “I’m fine, though.”

“You were hit by the Cruciatus Curse, two Stunning Spells, and a Severing Charm all at the same time, Prongs,” said Remus, reading his chart. “That’s not an ‘I’m fine’ situation.”

“I’m fine! I’m OK!”

“You once dropped a book on your own foot and yelled about it for three days,” said Peter. James shrugged, and then winced.

“Stop that, idiot,” said Lily, stroking his hair. 

“—We’re his parents!”

“Please tell me how those genetics work,” said the Healer, looking at Alice (half Chinese, half British) and Frank (the whitest man to ever exist), and then back at James (neither of those).

Frank looked rather offended. “That’s personal.”

“You both look younger than him.”

“Thank you,” said Alice, preening for a second, and then barged past her.

“Sweet Lord,” said the Healer, wondering why she ever took on this fucking job. The parents, wife, adopted brother, distant cousin, and the ‘squire’ all gathered around him.

“Why is everyone here?” asked James, looking uncomfortable.

“We just lost Dorcas and Marlene,” said Alice. “Don’t think we could stand to lose another idiot.”

James scrunched his face up. “Fair.”

“Are you crying?” asked Peter.

“I CAN’T HELP IT, I LOVE YOU GUYS.”

“You’re upsetting him! He’s never going to recover at this rate—” The Healer was silenced by one Deadly Combo Look from Remus and Lily, who had spent many years dealing with Madam Pomfrey.

James gasped. “You!” He pointed at Lily, and then his face held Immediate Regret, as he yelled in pain.

“Idiot!” Lily cried. 

“I know—fuck,” said James. “I left your gift at home!”

“My what?”

“Your gift! It’s your birthday!”

Lily thought about it for a second. “No, it isn’t. It’s the 27th today.”

“No, it’s the 30th, Lils,” said Remus. “Goddamn, I forgot this morning. I have a gift for you too.”

“It’s…a joint gift!” said Sirius hastily. “From me and Remus!”

“No it isn’t,” said Lily. “But I appreciate the thought. James, when do they say you can come home?”

“Three days. No—this is your day!” he cried.

“My d—James, you are nearly dead!” said Lily.

Sirius snorted. “The man loves his wife.”

“That he do,” said Alice, amused. “Oh, by the way, I’m pregnant.”

James choked on his water. “You’re WHAT?”

“Yep. How have none of you noticed my bump? I’m like, three months pregnant.”

“No way, me too,” said Lily. 

“What?” asked Frank, looking bewildered. “How did we not know about this?”

“How did we not know about _this_?” asked Peter. 

“I am dying! I am dead and dying! Two babies!” yelled Sirius. 

“Who’s going to be godparents?” asked James interestedly.

“Godparents?” Frank stared at him. “Neither of us are Christian.”

“Oh yeah,” said James.

“You guys are all going to be, like, aunts and uncles, though,” Alice said. 

“Wait, don’t you have to be baptised to be a godparent?” asked Remus, pointing at Sirius. 

“Shit,” said Lily. “Remus, are you baptised?”

“No. Hell no,” said Remus. “My dad’s a wizard and my mum’s not into organised religion.”

“Mar—” Peter stopped. “Never mind. Sorry.”

“She wasn’t baptised either,” said Sirius, a rather bittersweet smile on his face. “Fuck it. I’ll just lie.”

“Yeah, that’s a plan,” said James, quickly moving on.

14th February, 1980

8.40am

“Gooood morning,” said Lily, leaning on her side. James woke up.

“What is happening? I am so confused.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day, idiot.”

“Oh, shhhhhhhhhhfuck,” said James, scrambling out of bed. “I mean—I remember everything. I have so much planned. Do you want to...go to the park? And? Then? Leave? The? Park? After being in the park?”

She laughed. “It’s OK. I know you didn’t remember. I did, though, I got us tickets to a…thing.”

“A thing?”  


“The theatre. We’re going to be fancy.”  


“Ohohoho,” said James. “I’ll go put my moustache on.”  


“No, not the moustache—PUT ON THAT MOUSTACHE, POTTER, AND I’LL KILL YOU—”  


“IT’S ALREADY ON, MRS POTTER!”  


“NO MOUSTACHE! NO GLUE-ON MOUSTACHE! YOU ALREADY HAVE STUBBLE IT’S GOING TO HURT SO MUCH WHEN YOU TAKE IT OFF AND YOU DESERVE IT—”

“THEATRE! DRAMA! FANCINESS! MOUSTACHE! Do you want to pack sandwiches? Because the food there is definitely overpriced.”  


“Yes.”

14th February, 1980

1.54pm

“Morning, you disaster,” said Remus amusedly, sipping coffee.

“Good morning, my love. I am very hung over.”

“I’m aware. So am I.”

“Happy Valentine’s, by the way,” Sirius said, flopping dramatically onto the sofa. “Did you get me a present?”

“Did you get _me_ a present?” Remus looked at him, amused.

“The gift of my presence is the only gift you need, my love. Did you get me a present or not?”

Remus chucked a pair of pink heart sunglasses at him. Sirius gasped and immediately put them on.

“I love them!”

“I also just inherited the bookstore,” Remus said abruptly. Sirius stared at him.

“What?”

“The Dorlene bookstore. They gave it to me.”

“Whoa,” said Sirius.”What are you going to do with it?”

“The Death Eaters know where it is, so I— _we_ can’t move in or anything, but…I’ll keep it in reserve.”

“Good to have something just in case,” yawned Sirius, who promptly turned into a dog and started sleeping on the sofa.

“Being a dog doesn’t negate the fact that you’re sleeping at 2pm,” said Remus. The dog stuck its tongue out at him and went back to sleep.

10th March, 1980

5.42am

“I BOUGHT YOU THINGS,” yelled Sirius. Remus punched him in the dick. Sirius staggered and fell back onto the bed. “Sorry.” This last bit came out in a wheeze.

10th March, 1980

8.09am

“I BOUGHT YOU THINGS NOW,” yelled Sirius. Remus considered punching him in the dick again, but didn’t.

“If I let you give me the thing you bought me, will you shut up?”

“No.”

Remus sighed and sat up. “Fine. Give.” Sirius handed him a small package. “You don’t have to wrap things, you know.”  


Just open it!” Sirius nudged him. He unwrapped it to reveal a box.

“Is this…” He opened it. “Fucking finally.”

“About time I got you a proper wedding band, eh?” said Sirius. “I have a matching one, obviously.”

“It’s perfect, Pads.” Remus kissed him. “Thank you.”

“We’re having a fancy dinner tonight, too.”

“Fuck yeah.”

30th July, 1980

7.24pm

“I’M HERE,” yelled Lily. Remus nearly fell over.  


“Fuck. Terrifying ghost woman.”  


“I’ll make food. God, I’m starving. Where’s Sirius?”  


“Shops. We’re out of coffee.” Remus got up and headed down the stairs with her. “Out of curiosity, why are you here? No, please don’t—” He took the frying pan from her. “I plan on not being poisoned this evening.”  


“That’s a good plan.” Remus set about making some bacon—dinner-breakfast was his specialty. “James had to head off, Dumbledore wanted to chat to him about something. I got bored just waiting at home, so I’m here.”

Remus looked like he had just realised something. “Er, Lily—“ He glanced at the calendar. “…Never mind.” He continued frying the bacon. 

“I’ll make toast. I may not be able to do much else, but I can do that.”  


They stood there in silence for a few minutes.  


“Hey, Remus?”  


“Mm?”  


“Not being funny, but—my water just broke.”

Remus went deathly pale. “Dear God. Oh, fuck. FUck. Fuck. Sweet Jesus. Good fuck. Fuck.”  


“Don’t just stand there! Get me to the hospital, you idiot!” she cried, hitting him with a spatula.

“YES LET’S DO THAT—OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD—”

“What’s happening?” asked Sirius, coming in through the front door. 

“LILY’S IN LABOUR.”  


“OK,” he said calmly. “You get her to the hospital in the car and I’ll call James. I’ll follow you on Elvendork.”  


“RIGHT.”

“Wait—OH MY GOD—“ The realisation hit Sirius. “GO GO GO GET TO THE HOSPITAL OH MY GOD—“ They left, and Sirius basically punched the phone.

“Hello?” Emmeline picked up.

“EMMY, GET JAMES NOW—SERIOUSLY, NOW.”

“Is it important? He’s busy, he’s talking to Dumbledore.” She sounded rather bored.  


“LILY’S GIVING BIRTH, YOU SILLY FUCK—GET HIM!”

“OH SWEET FUCK—OK, I’LL GET HIM—”

“Sirius?” James picked up the phone.

“IT’S GO TIME, BITCH, YOU’RE GOING TO BE A DAD.”  


“Oh! OH my god! DUMBLEDORE, I HAVE TO GO—NO, THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT—OK, I’LL SEE YOU IN A BIT—WHICH HOSPITAL?”  


“ You’re yelling!”  


“OF COURSE I’M YELLING I’M TERRIFIED—WHICH HOSPITAL? I NEED TO APPARATE—“  


31st July, 1980

1.29pm

“How long does it take to deliver a baby?” asked Remus, rather grumpy after sleeping on Sirius’ shoulder. “It’s been, like, 18 hours.”  


“Who knows?” Sirius hadn’t slept for being so excited, and had almost strangled a doctor after he wasn’t allowed into the room.

“Hey, where’re Alice and Frank?” asked Remus. “Weren’t they meant to be here?” A plump, kind-looking doctor came out of the room. Sirius squeezed Remus’ hand.

“It’s a boy.”

Sirius nearly shrieked with joy, but then he remembered he was in a hospital. People were dying, and shit. “Can I see him?”

“As long as it doesn’t get too crowded.”

“Just me and Remus, I promise.”

Lily and James both looked half-dead with exhaustion, but had matching beams on their faces.

“He’s so perfect,” said James hoarsely. 

“Can I hold him?” asked Sirius, suddenly calm. Lily handed him over.

“I thought you didn’t like children, Pads,” said Remus amusedly.

“But this one’s so tiny and perfect!” whisper-yelled Sirius. “Hi!” The baby yawned and Sirius immediately started crying.

“You’ll get him damp,” said Remus, chuckling slightly, taking him from him. “You made this! You made this baby!”

“I made that,” said Lily, eyes swimming with tears. “We made him, Jamesie.”

“He looks like a wrinkled otter,” said Sirius affectionately. James elbowed him.

“I think he looks like Lily. He’s got her eyes,” said James. “Oh, he’s so good. He’s so perfect. I love him so much.”

“I think I love him more than James, and I don’t even know him yet,” said Lily, suddenly sobbing. “Oh, God, I love him more than I love James.”

“Good,” said James, also sobbing. This just made Sirius cry harder, too. Remus was left, not crying, but awkwardly holding a baby.

“Here, Lily, you clearly need this more than me,” he said, handing the baby to Lily. "I mean, him. He is...animate."

31st July, 1980

4.49pm

“No answer,” said Remus, sounding concerned, putting the phone back on the reciever. “I’m sure they’re fine. They’re fine.”  


“I think…I’ll go over to theirs to make sure, though. We know what happened with…” Sirius paused. “Anyway. I’ll go over.” He Disapparated, and then twenty seconds later Apparated back into the room, looking deeply relieved.  


Remus looked at him. “Well?”  


“Alice is _in labour_. That is why…she didn’t answer the phone. Two babies. One day.”  


“What—how’d you find out?”  


“Note on the door in Frank’s panic handwriting that said ‘WE’RE NOT DEAD I’M GOING TO BE A DAD DON’T WORRY’.”

“Well holy shit,” said Remus, grinning. “Let’s go meet the other baby.”

“Yep.”

"What is panic handwriting?"  


"It's exactly what you think it is."

6th August, 1980

3.41am

“REMUS, THANK GOD,” cried Lily, terror in her voice.

“Lily? Oh, God, what’s going on? Is everything OK?”

“HE SNEEZED! HE SNEEZED!”

“Oh. Adorable?”

“NO WHAT IF HE’S SICK—it was so cute! WHEN ARE THEY MEANT TO START SNEEZING?”  


“Lily, no—where’s James?”  


“HE’S FREAKING OUT MORE THAN ME! THAT’S WHY I MADE THE CALL, I’M THE CALM ONE!”

“Listen, babies sneeze. I know it’s a baby, but it’s a human baby.”  


“But what if he’s—”

“Babies. Sneeze. He’s OK, Lily.”

Lily sighed. “You’re right. You’re right, he’s fine.”

23rd August, 1980

5.49pm

  
"REMUS, HIS HEAD SMELLS BAD—"

"Lily."   


"WE WENT TO THE DOCTOR, BUT SHE JUST TOLD US TO WASH IT."  


"You went to the doctor because your baby's head...smells bad." Remus was trying Very Hard not to laugh, and was also very glad that Lily couldn't see his face over the phone.

"Baby heads are meant to smell good!"  
  
"Stop sniffing your child," said Remus. "Wash his head."

"But—"

"WASH HIS FUCKING HEAD."   


12th December, 1980

1.59pm

“Harry, it’s Uncle Padfoot!” said James, picking him up gently. “Look!”

“Oh, that’s the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen,” said Remus, looking at Harry’s sheep hat.  


“Babies really don’t do much yet, do they?” said Sirius, grinning at Harry. “His head has nothing in it! Nothing!”

“I’ve never heard anyone say that affectionately before,” said Lily, coming into the nursery. “And usually it’s other people saying it to you, not you saying it to other people.” Sirius stuck his tongue out at her. 

“Hehe.”

Sirius’ head whipped around. “ye wot”

Harry was giggling. Lily yelled.

“What!”

Sirius stuck his tongue out again, this time at Harry. He continued giggling. 

“I can’t believe my son’s first laugh was at you disrespecting me!” cried Lily. “That’s terrible!”

“That’s brilliant,” said James, kissing her on the cheek.

25th December, 1980

10.03am

“Happy Christmas,” said Sirius when he woke up. A rather bitter feeling had engulfed the small flat. Remus was reading, looking slightly grim.

“…Happy Christmas, Pads.”

“It really isn’t…” Sirius sighed. “I can’t do it. I can’t.”

Remus closed his eyes. “I know.” 

Sirius felt sick. “We did the whole Christmas thing together, one year, you know. Right before you moved in. I taught her how to peel potatoes—somehow she went through all those years of cooking without ever doing it.”

Remus didn’t say anything. Couldn’t, really.

“I once spent four hours in a shop with…” Sirius exhaled. “Four hours in a shop with Dorcas, trying to find something to get Lily. Don’t even remember what I got her. I just know I survived solely off of a bag of pretzels that I stole.”

The eyes opened, finally. “This is…never going to feel quite the same again, is it?” Remus sounded hoarse.

Sirius snorted, his voice wobbly. “How could it?”

“They were nineteen. Nineteen years old.”

“And a hell of a pair of nineteen-year-olds they were.” Sirius swallowed. “God, I loved them. I loved them so much.”

“It stings,” said Remus. “Fucking feels like reopening a wound. It can’t…can’t always feel like this, can it?”

Sirius shook his head. “I’m getting a drink.”

“It’s the morning.”

“And Marlene and Dorcas are dead.” Sirius’ voice was harsh. “Happy Christmas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact my parents once actually did go to the doctor because my younger brother's head smelled bad so in case you think that's unrealistic parents are insane  
> (the doctor did actually also say 'wash it')


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> highkey keep 5getting to update

6th January, 1981

11.31pm

“Hiding?” asked James. “Why?” 

Lily was pacing, trying to quiet Harry. “Boooo!”

“Harry, not right now!” said James. “This is serious business! Act your age, dammit!”

“James, he’s six months old. You can’t talk to him like he’s a grown-up.”  


“Anyway,” said Dumbledore. 

“Right. Where are we going?” asked Lily.  


“There’s somewhere that’s safe in Godric’s Hollow.”

18th February, 1981

3.26pm

“Oh, he’s so cute,” said Remus, looking at him affectionately. “I can’t believe he’s…whatever months old.”  


“Seven months, eighteen days. I got you tea,” said Sirius, handing him a mug. 

“When will Lily and James be back again?”  


Remus spilled a bit of tea on his leg. “Ah, fuck.”

“Fuck.”  


Sirius and Remus both looked up. “Did…”  


“Oh no oh no oh no oh no no no no no no—”  


“Did the baby just say fuck? Did—the baby just say fuck?” asked Sirius. “Remus!”  


“His first word was fuck!” Remus was going to cry. “No! We can’t tell Lily and James.”

18th February, 1981

6.54pm

“REMUS JOHN LUPIN.”

“Why hello, Lily,” said Remus, over the phone. "Why on earth are you calling? I have no idea. So mysterious. Anyway, please continue with your start of a simple pleasant conversation that has nothing to do with me doing anything."

“WHY IS MY BABY SAYING FUCK?”

“Oh, God.”

“YOU MADE MY BABY’S FIRST WORD ‘FUCK’! WHY?”

“How do you know it was me?”

“YOU SWEAR MORE THAN ANYONE EVER—OF COURSE IT WAS YOU, REMUS!”

“It’s not my fault!”

Lily let out an unearthly bellow. “NO!! Harry, don’t say that, it’s bad! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU, LUPIN.”

“I’m hanging up!”  


“You THOT—”

3rd March, 1981

1.50pm

“Hey, Harry, can you say Moony?” asked Remus, a grin on his face.

“Mooey!”

“Moony.”  


“Moony.”

“Well done!” Remus tickled his stomach. “Alright, mission accomplished, I’m going to get tea.”  


“Harry, say Padfoot!” said Sirius.

“Moony.”

“No, Pad-foot.”

“Remus.”

“Pad! Foot!”  


“P…at.”

Sirius sighed. “Padfoot.”

“Poo.”

“No!”

James chuckled. “Harry, say dada!”  


“Dada.”

“Now say Padfoot.”  


“Padfoot.” Harry rolled over. Sirius punched the air in triumph. 

“He did it!”

“Yeah, when _James_ told him to,” said Remus, coming in, holding tea, which had apparently been made at Lightning Fucking Speed. 

“Moony!” cried Harry.

“Yeah, it’s me,” said Remus. “Don’t do drugs.”

“Dugs.”

“No!”  


“REMUS!” Lily yelled from downstairs. “I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

20th March, 1981

4.01pm

“Sirius,” sighed James, opening the door. “Finally.”  


“Took me a while to get here. Godric’s Hollow is like, a four-hour drive from London.”  


“Er, Lily’s not here, she took Harry to the park. Listen, mate, I have to tell you something.”  


Sirius came in, hanging up his jacket. “Something wrong?”

“Yes, actually,” said James. “There’s a mole in the Order.”

Sirius blinked. “You what?”  


“Yeah. We don’t know who, obviously, but that’s why we’re in hiding—Dumbledore reckons we’re in danger.”

“OK, we can figure this out.” Sirius was oddly calm. “We can figure this out.”  


James ruffled his hair. “Yeah. We’re clever.”

  
  
20th March, 1981

8.48pm

“WE CAN’T DO THIS,” yelled Sirius, looking tortured. “Oh, Christ. We’re idiots.”  


“We are idiots!” cried James. Lily was looking at them, rather amused.  


“I don’t think this is something you can just ‘figure out’, you know. It’s clearly someone who’s easily deceptive and you’ve built a trust with, like everyone in the Order.”  


“So basically…not Peter,” said Sirius, sighing. “The man can’t lie to save his life. Except to McGonagall. Which I guess was kind of to save his life.”  


“That leaves about ninety billion options.” James rubbed his temples dramatically. Sirius stood up.

“I’ve got to get home to Remus, he’ll be waiting.”  


21st March, 1981

12.07am

“I’m back,” called Sirius.

“Good morning.” Remus was on the sofa, reading.

“Listen, I need to talk to you. There’s a mole in the Order who’s feeding information to Voldemort.”  


Remus raised his eyebrows. “Jesus. A little heavy for the middle of the night.”

“I know,” said Sirius. “Lily says it’s someone who’s…easily deceptive. And someone I have a trust with.”  


“Well, obviously,” Remus said. “You have a trust with everyone in the Order.”

“I don’t know. Remus, where do you go when you go on your… ‘walks’?”

Remus’ eyes finally flicked up to him from his book. Realisation appeared to finally set in. “What are you asking me right now?”

“I just…”  


“Sirius, what are you trying to say? Ask me directly or shut up, because you are barrelling towards pissing me off no matter what you say.”  


“Fine. Fine,” said Sirius, scratching the back of his neck. “I think it’s you.”

Remus stared at him. 

“Are you going to say anything?”

Remus got up. “I’m going to go pack.” He sounded rather hoarse.

Sirius shook his head. “Pack?”  


“Yes, Sirius. Pack,” he said sharply. “I’m going.”

“What—where—”

“And why would you care?” 

“You’re my _husband_ , Remus, I want to talk—”

“We both know that was never a real thing, Sirius!” 

Sirius stopped in his tracks. “What?”  


Remus sighed, regret flashing for a tiny instant behind his eyes, then disappearing. “You—why the fuck do you think you can just say whatever you want and then play the victim?” 

He went upstairs. Sirius followed him, and leaned against the wall as Remus threw clothes into a bag. “What are you talking about? I’m not playing the _victim_! Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”  


“You just accused me of _being a Death Eater_! I am leaving!” He headed down the stairs. “You’re an _idiot_! And cruel—this is cruel, Sirius! Cruel, pointless, and stupid! Did you leave your brain at James’? Jesus!”

“FUCKING—AS IF I DIDN’T HAVE REASON—” Sirius was shouting.

“Say another WORD, SIRIUS—I SWEAR TO GOD, OF ALL THE MINDLESS, IDIOTIC BLUNDERS YOU HAVE MADE—DO YOU EVER _THINK_? ABOUT ANYTHING?”

“GET OUT, THEN!” Sirius yelled. “GO CRAWL BACK TO VOLDEMORT—TELL HIM EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED—”

“HOW COULD YOU THINK—THIS IS—”

“GET _OUT_!”

Remus slammed the door as he left. He hadn’t taken a key. Sirius sank down onto the sofa. Son ofa bitch, he’d better be right.

21st March, 1981

12.24am

“Remus is gone.”

James sounded croaky. “You what?”

“I think he’s the mole. I told him, and he left, but before that I yelled at him, and then he yelled at me—"   


“ _What_?” James sounded horrified. “What?”

“I think he’s the mole, James!”   


“Give me twenty seconds, I’ll be there. Hey, Lily—” James hung up. Sirius put the phone back onto the receiver and put his head into his hands.

“Sirius.” James Apparated into the room. Sirius jumped. “What the hell happened?”  


“I came home—and I told him I thought he was the mole, and then—” James slapped him. “OW.”

“DUM-DUM! IDIOT BOY! MORON MAN!”

“I really don’t think I am this time, Prongs,” said Sirius.

“What are you talking about? Remus isn’t the mole!” James cried. “No.”

“You don’t know him like I do!”  


“I sincerely doubt that—”

“I’ve seen his dick and made his dad like me! Those are two things you don’t get just being a friend!” cried Sirius. “Genuinely—I can’t trust him. I can’t.”  


James sighed. “Fine.”

“I didn’t _want_ to believe it. Of course I didn’t. I—” Sirius swallowed. “I loved him. Love him. Whatever. But…he’s the only person who I could think is…” He didn’t finish his sentence.

“Oh, Padfoot.”

21st March, 1981

1.07am

“Please God say this is Remus,” said Lily, who was wrapped in a blanket in her kitchen.  


“You're awake,” Remus replied, sounding surprised. “I expected—”

“Of course I’m not!” she cried. “Where the fuck are you?”  


Remus sighed. “He called you?”

“Of course he did, he thought— _thinks_ that you’re a spy. He had to tell us.”

“I’m sure he told you all you need to know, then.”

“No—James just told me that Sirius thought you were the mole and that he had to go.”

“Huh. Well. That’s what happened.”  


“That’s not everything! Remus, where _are_ you?”

“I’m…out. Somewhere.” Remus paused. “He said I was the mole. I packed. I said…us being married wasn’t real, which was—which was true—and—”

“You did _what_?” Lily sounded horrified. “Remus!”  


“No—no. That is not the worst thing that was said tonight.” Remus sighed. “I don’t regret it. He…he deserved it. He called me a Death Eater.”

“He fucked up. I’m sure James has changed his mind—”

“No, he hasn’t. Listen, I am very angry and very, _very_ upset and I’m going to go get drunk, OK?”

“Remus, no!”  


“No, it’s what I’m doing. No. Lily, I’m—”

“An idiot! You’re an idiot!”

“That too. But I’m…I want a drink. And I’m sad, OK? I want to cry, so I’m going to drink instead. And maybe cry after”

“Remus, come here! Come to ours. James is gone, you can stay over.”  


“No.”  


“Please, Remus—” He hung up. Lily sighed deeply and put the phone down. “Idiot,” she whispered.  


30th October, 1981

11.48pm

“I swear, guys, they’ll guess it’s me in a heartbeat,” Sirius insisted. “No one’ll guess Peter.”  


“Feel a little insulted,” said Peter congenially. 

Lily sighed. “I still think Sirius—”

“Will be the easiest to guess,” said James. Dumbledore nodded slowly.

“I think it best to change Secret Keepers as well. Sirius is rather the obvious choice.”  


“Double bluff!” said Lily.

“No,” said Sirius. “Really. Change to Peter.”

“OK. As long as you’ll be OK when the Death Eaters come after you,” said James. Sirius nodded. “Harry, no, get back here!” He dashed after the one-year-old, who had, in the past few months, sort of learned how to walk, semi-successfully.  


“Be safe, James. I have to go. Keep an eye on the wiggly goblin.”

“Bye, Padfoot. Love you.”  


“Bye.”

31st October, 1981

8.03pm

“Lily, take Harry and go! It’s him!” _I don’t have a wand—he wouldn’t kill a baby, would he? No, he would, the evil prick—he can’t get Harry—Lily— that’s my son—my wife—they’ll be fine if you stall him—_ “Go! Run! I’ll hold him off!” _They can get out through the window if you last long enough—stall, James, stall—_ “You want to dance, little man? I’ll bite your legs off!” _Python, at a time like this—Peter._ “I’m here, Voldy, fucking fight me!” _He couldn’t’ve been tortured, he was Secret Keeper FUCK he betrayed us—_ “I’m not afraid of you, you know. And there’ll come a day when no one will be.” _Straight spine, Potter. You have to protect them. They’ll be fine they’ll be fine they’ll be fine—_ “Cool exit line, right?” _I love you, Harry._

_He can’t get Harry he can’t JAMES oh God oh God that was his body I heard—I can’t get out—_ “Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!” _He’s saying something and I don’t care what it is—_ “Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead—” _James is dead James is dead if I die Harry’ll be alone oh God he can’t die he’s so young—_ “Not Harry! Please…have mercy…have mercy…”

31st October, 1981

11.59pm

“Uh, knock knock,” said Sirius, coming through the now-unlocked door of the house. “Wormtail?”  


There was no answer. The house was quiet. Shit—the Death Eaters must’ve gotten to him—

“Wormtail? Peter, are you in here? Are you hurt?” No…signs of a struggle. “Peter!” Peter would’t’ve just…gone with them, would he? He was—he was Secret Keeper. No, he couldn’t have—he couldn’t have—he was their friend —

1st November, 1981

12.52am

Sirius was off his motorcycle before it even hit the floor. The bike that he once refused to allow near his beloved fucking cat for in order to keep it clean fell to the ground with a dull thud, and Sirius was already at the door. Unlocked. Bad. That was bad. The door flew open so hard it dented what was left of the wall of the bottom floor.“Oh, God, please no. Oh God, oh God.” Sirius had never prayed before. Three steps into the house, and there lay James, glassy-eyed. James Potter, twenty one years old. His brother. James Potter, who had been by his side at every turn. Sirius knelt down and reached into his top pocket—yes, there it was. The mirror—the only thing that had kept him sane over that one summer—there was no time for this, Sirius! Take the mirror. Keep it safe. Hurry up, hurry up—Lily. Maybe Lily got out. Maybe she took Harry and got out before. She must have. Must’ve hidden in the closet, or gone out the window, and she was staying with Remus, or Dumbledore had found her, or she was knocking on the door of his apartment right now—yes! That was a baby crying! Harry was still alive—she must be as well—

Red hair. That was all that Sirius could see. It was spread around her head, unnaturally. He rushed to her side, but he knew it was hopeless; there would be no pulse. Lily had taught him how to do his hair. Why was he thinking about that? She had, though. She had spent an hour in the Gryffindor common room one night teaching him to put it into a bun, and to braid it—French, Dutch, whatever. She had let him braid her hair, and had laughed when it was clumsy, and she kept her hair like that until two days later. Lily, with her smile like a slap to the face. Lily, with her stingingly sharp wit and her love for James and her pure, unadulterated hatred for crunchy peanut butter. She called him Jim, he thought. James’ heart melted every time he heard that. Lily and James, the star-crossed lovers, so in love with each other and so loving of everything else. 

Dorcas. Marlene. Regulus. James. Lily. He assumed Remus as well. Yes, he had to assume Remus as well. Not a sign of him for six months - there's no way he could still be alive.

But he had _heard_ a baby. And yes, there he was. His wails quietened at the sight of Sirius, his eyes still bright with tears.

“Pafoot?”

Sirius scooped him up out of his cot. “Oh, Harry.” Wait—how was he still alive? Didn't matter. “Don’t look. Don’t look. I’m going to get you out of here, OK?”

Harry sniffed. Sirius stepped carefully around Lily—Lily’s body, he supposed, that wasn’t Lily anymore—and went downstairs, out the door, turning Harry’s head away from James. 

“Hagrid?”

“Sirius?” The large figure of Hagrid emerged from the darkness. 

“They’re dead, Hagrid. Both of them, he got to them. I—” Sirius stopped himself, and wiped his nose with his free hand. “They’re dead.”

“Dumbledore said summat of the sort,” said Hagrid, his voice cracking. “I didn’t think—oh, dear. It’s a terrible thing, that.”  


“I know. They can’t be. But they are.” 

Hagrid blew his nose loudly, and seemed to register that Sirius was indeed carrying a small child. “Is that…?”

“Yes—it’s him, it’s Harry—I don’t know, he survived somehow. I didn’t know what to do, Hagrid, I—”

“Hey, now. Yeh’ll be all right, Sirius. Dumbledore just sent me to collect him—Harry, I mean.”  


Sirius furrowed his brow. “Why?”  


“Dumbledore’ll have a plan for him, I s’pose.”  


“I’m his godfather. I’m the plan.” Sirius tone was getting angry. Lily and James were dead - Harry was the only important person left in his life - GOD he was an idiot for thinking—

Hagrid shrugged. “I’m no more in the light than you.”

Sirius swallowed. “I suppose I’ll have to trust Dumbledore, then. Here, take my bike, Hagrid. It’ll be quicker. I think I’d like to…take a walk.”

Hagrid’s eyes sparkled with tears as he took the baby, but he still smiled at him kindly. “Terrible thing.”  


“I’ll be off, then. Good luck, Hagrid.” Sirius watched the motorbike fly off, when suddenly his stomach lurched. He threw up — unsurprising, under the circumstances. He wiped his mouth ungracefully and headed back into the house.

He looked pale—dressed in his terrible dad clothes, as Lily called them—and his face was blank. Where was his wand? He hadn’t—he had. He had faced the Dark Lord without a wand, the dickhead. Sirius was going to have to work _very_ hard to beat that death in the terms of being courageous. 

James. His best friend. The man who had comforted him after every beating, every ‘slip of the wand’, every Unforgivable Curse. The man who had taken him in with his family, treated him as a brother and never anything less. The man who had fuelled Sirius’ ego and drama to the breaking point, and yet had never let him become a bad person. The man who loved him. The man who loved Lily Evans more than anyone else in the world, except Harry. The man who loved Remus. The man who loved Peter.

Peter.

Secret Keeper.

Not Remus, but Peter.

Goddamn, he had some apologising to do. But first, murder.


	7. Chapter 7

3rd November, 1981

2.41pm

Azkaban, Sirius thought, had rather worse accommodations than he’d expected. Sure, there was the sea view, but the customer service was frankly appalling. Small, grey room, rather loud neighbours, really shit catering, and a constant feeling of cold emptiness in the pit of his stomach. Also, the Hell Memory thing. Not the best. He'd asked to see the manager, but he kept getting told to piss off.

“390.”  


Sirius looked up to see a bored-looking guard standing in the doorway. “Are you the turn-down service?”  


“Good God, you're annoying.” He stood up and was poked in the back by another guard.  


“We going on a walking tour of the place? Show me the spa, will you? I fancy a massage.”  


“Shut up,” said the other guard, who apparently had even less of a sense of humour than the first guard.  


“Seriously, where are we going? I was imprisoned without trial.”  


“You have…a _very_ annoying friend. Even more annoying than you,” said the first guard. What?

“Doubt that,” said Sirius. “You want me to try harder?”  


“Please God no.”

3rd November, 1981

3.00pm

Sirius was slumped against the side of his cage—he felt like a goddamn owl—contemplating who was the most annoying friend he had (who wasn’t dead), realising that pretty much all his friends were either dead or assumed to be so, when lo, into the courtroom walked Remus Lupin.

“We hereby begin…the _trial_ of Sirius Orion Black.” Millicent Bagnold, the Minister for Magic herself, was overseeing his trial, and yet his eyes were stuck on the ‘defence attorney’. She was still talking, and he was not listening. Remus looked tired, and even thinner than usual - a few new scars, too. He wasn't dead, though. That one was a surprise. Motherfucker, he wasn't dead.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sure you want to get this over with as quickly as possible, so I’ll get right to the heart of the matter. There’s no need for the formalities, Minister,this is an odd case and frankly, I would like to get out of here. You have the defendant’s wand?”

“We do.”

“I’d like to submit that into evidence. I assume that Prior Incantato was used to determine that he casted the spell?”

“Under the circumstances, we didn’t think it necessary,” said a rather sour-looking member of the Wizengamot. 

“He shouldn’t even be having this trial,” said Barty Crouch Sr, the prosecutor, indignantly. “I arrested him myself.”

“To imprison a man in Azkaban for something you have not even made certain of, Mr Crouch, shows an astounding lack of both judgement and morality. _Prior Incantato_.”

There were a few interested murmurs.

“As you can see, the last spell used by this wand was not, in fact, a Blasting Curse, but the Stunning Spell. Not exactly something that would kill twelve Muggles and a wizard, hmm?”   


“That could well have been cast after the incident!” cried the sour-looking wizard. “And who else could have cast that Curse?”

“According to your records, Mr Black was arrested directly after the incident and made no attempt at a struggle through magical means - all though he did, quote, 'threaten to burn Barty Crouch's legs off' and 'attempt to... _throw_ one of the Aurors on the scene...Hulk-style'. As disturbing as that is - uhh, where was his opportunity to cast the spell? Surely some Auror would have seen him cast a Stunning Spell.”  


“That does bring us to the question, defender, as to who cast the Blasting Curse,” said the Minister. 

“A fair question, Minister. However, I’m going to have to request a moment alone with the defendant.”

“Overruled!” cried Crouch.

“Granted,” said the Minister, looking wearily at him. “You have ten minutes.”

“You look like shit,” said Sirius.

“You’ve looked better yourself, sunshine.” Remus blinked, apparently not having anticipated that to be the first thing he said to his ex-potential-traitor-boyfriend.  
Sirius just stared at him.

“Sirius, I need to ask you if I’m right. That’s not technically…legal protocol, but I have to know.”  


Sirius nodded, his throat dry. “It was Peter.”  


“You were Secret Keeper. How did anyone find out about where James and Lily were? You didn’t—”  


“No. I convinced James to switch to Peter last minute.”  


Remus blinked. “You didn’t tell me.”  


“You know why that is, and I was wrong. What are you doing, Remus? Why would you believe me?”

Remus shook his head. “I just do.”

Sirius looked at him, his brow furrowed. “You need to know what actually happened on the street—”

“If you weren’t Secret Keeper, then I already know.” Sirius gaped, but Remus turned back to the Wizengamot. “Ready, Your Hon—Minister. Son of a bitch, I need to stop watching crime shows.”  


“In that case, defender, go ahead. Who cast the Blasting Curse?”  


“It was Peter Pettigrew, Minister.”

Oh dang, a twist. “Peter Pettigrew is dead!” cried Crouch. “All that was left of him was a finger!”

“Mr Pettigrew, in an attempt to frame Si—the defendant, cut off his own finger and escaped the scene.”  


“That street was swarming with Aurors—how on earth could he have gotten out?”  


“A simple Disillusionment Charm would have rendered him invisible to any onlookers, or indeed an Invisibility Cloak.”

“Is it not possible, defender, that Sirius Black used Pettigrew’s wand to cast the Blasting Curse?” asked Crouch.

“If that were the case, then where is Pettigrew’s wand now? Had the defendant used it to cast the Blasting Curse, it would have been in his hands when he was arrested. It was not.”  


“Then where is Pettigrew now?” asked the Minister.

“That, Minister, is not my concern. However, I think I have proved that the defendant was not guilty.”

“What was he doing on the street where the Blasting Curse was performed, if not to kill?” asked a thin, tired-looking witch.

“That one’s easy. The defendant had just discovered his best friends, Lily and James Potter, dead at the hands of Pettigrew, who was the Secret Keeper with regards to their location. Pettigrew had given away the location of their hiding space to V—the Dark Lord—”

“That is conjecture!” 

“I think you’ll find, Mr Crouch, that it is not. As a trusted friend of Lily and James, I was fully aware of the situation with the Secret Keeper—” wow, that stung—“And as a consequence, I am certain that the only person who could have given away their location is Pettigrew. They trusted him implicitly, which was a mistake on their part. As I was saying, the defendant, in grief and anger, tracked down Pettigrew and attempted to accost him. Hence, his presence on the street the day of the incident.”

More murmurs.

“In conclusion, the defendant did not cast the Blasting Curse, was attempting to accost the real criminal, and did not, on any account, betray Lily and James Potter, as he had no motive nor did he have the opportunity. This is not to mention the blatant and inhumane miscarriage of justice -”

"Measures will be taken, Mr Lupin," interrupted the Minister. "You can stop now."

Votes. 27 to 23. Cleared of all charges.

3rd November, 1981

10.04pm

“You got some of it wrong, you know,” said Sirius, after finally being released.

“No, I didn’t,” said Remus shortly.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Expand.”

“Peter turned into a rat and got away, he didn’t use an Disillusionment Charm. And you definitely were going to kill him, not incapacitate him. I didn’t think it _exactly_ the right move to mention that Peter was an illegal Animagus and that you wanted to commit murder in front of a jury.”

“Fair point.”  


“Am I taking you somewhere?” asked Remus, suddenly looking tired. “I have a car.”  


“I have Elvendork. Oh, fuck, no. I gave her to Hagrid.”  


“Hagrid?” Remus looked deeply confused.  


“It’s a long story. Remus, he took Harry. I didn’t want to give him away, but Hagrid insisted.”

“Took your godson and your child,” said Remus, an amused look on his face. “Wait—hang on. If he had let you keep the damn baby…”  


“I never would’ve been on that fucking street in the first place,” finished Sirius. “I know.”

“Sirius, where am I taking you?” asked Remus rather gently. 

Sirius shook his head. “Nowhere. Pettigrew’s hiding place.”  


“OK then.” Remus bit his lip. “Let’s go kill the rat.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “wot”

“You heard me. Let’s go murder.”  


“Remus Softie Lupin is willing to kill a bitch!” Sirius cried. “I’ve never been so proud, Moony.” Remus looked rather surprised at Sirius’ sudden use of his old nickname—one he hadn’t heard in six months.

“Er, after the murder,” said Remus, awkwardly. “Where are you living?”  


Sirius shrugged. “My place kind of got…exploded. After...well. You know.”

Remus sighed. “I’ve got the bookstore. You can crash there for a few days.”  


“…Thanks.”  


“A few days, mind you,” Remus warned. Sirius nodded sheepishly. “It’s in Surrey, so…I got us train tickets. Let’s go.”

“You got two train tickets? But I was in literal Hell Prison, Remus. I wasn’t even going to have a trail.”  


“I have a lot of faith in myself.”

Sirius grinned, and glanced at Remus' hands. Why was he doing that? “I mean, you were right, so no complaints here.” Hands. Why were they important? Ah, the ring. The not-ring, actually. 

Remus looked quickly up at Sirius’ face, and noticed he looked rather crestfallen. 

3rd November, 1981

3.49pm

“Go take a nap,” Remus ordered, after a Very long train ride. “The bedroom is—”

“I know. I spent many a night crashing here.” Sirius sighed. “I don’t want to go to sleep right now.”

“You’re exhausted.”

“And I also just spent three days reliving all of my worst memories. I’d rather…not.”

Remus nodded slightly. “Sorry about the boxes.”

“Where were you living before this, Remus?” asked Sirius gently. 

Remus was quiet for a few seconds. “Nowhere in particular.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means…around.” Remus sat down on an armchair, and Sirius did the same.

“That doesn't help me.”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you - I have Dwarvendork. And—“

“Poseidon!” Sirius cried, picking him up as he came slinking into the room.

“He was at Lily and James’. I found him.”  


“How’d you find out about me? About James and Lily?”  


“It was all over the news. Everywhere.” Remus sighed heavily. “Listen, I’ve got a thing I need to do, OK? Do you mind waiting here?”  


“No. I could come with you, if you’d like.”  


Remus shook his head. “I’d rather go alone. I’ll be a few hours, I have to travel. There’s old Firewhiskey in the cupboard, I think. Happy birthday.” This last words just slipped out, and even Remus looked rather surprised at them.

“What?” But Remus was already gone.

  
  
3rd November, 1981

7.13pm

“Have you finally taken me up on that job offer, Remus?” asked Dumbledore congenially. Remus stormed into his office.

“You told me he was guilty.”  


Dumbledore paused. “And at the time, that is what I believed. I had no reason to think otherwise.”  


“Of course you did! You had every reason to—YOU TOLD ME HE WAS GUILTY!” Sweet Jesus, he was yelling at Dumbledore. “HE COULD’VE BEEN LEFT—THERE, AZKABAN—TO ROT, AND YOU TOLD ME HE WAS GUILTY!”

“Had I known—”

“YOU KNEW HE WASN’T SECRET KEEPER! YOU KNEW—AND YOU KNEW HOW CLOSE HE AND JAMES WERE! HOW COULD YOU _EVER_ THINK—IT’S A FUCKING DISGRACE—” Shit, swearing lost him ten points WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING HE WAS 21 YEARS OLD

“Please calm down, Remus,” Dumbledore said, looking rather unnerved. “I made an assumption. It was…a mistake, on my part, that I admit.”  


“NO SHIT IT WAS A MISTAKE—OF ALL THE COLOSSAL FUCK-UPS, THIS IS THE WORST—THE _WORST_.”  


Dumbledore sighed and adjusted his glasses. “I cannot repay you,” he said quietly, “For the duty you have fulfilled both for Sirius and for me. Your methods, however unorthodox, saved him from a great injustice.”  


“Unorthodox - what do you mean, unorthodox?” Remus was slightly out of breath. Dumbledore chuckled.

“The way you approached Sirius’ case was through logic. Reason. The Ministry tend not to deal with such trivial matters.”  


“Fucking clearly.” Remus appeared to have calmed down a bit. “I actually just…came to shout at you, so…mission accomplished.”

“...Indeed.”  


“Where’s Harry?”  


“I’m sorry?”  


Remus stared straight back at him. Remus Lupin, the man who could stare down Walburga Black. “Where’s Harry?”  


Dumbledore sighed. “He’s with Lily’s sister’s family. Do not do anything rash, Remus.”  


“Don’t do anything rash my ass. Where do they live?”  


Dumbledore reluctantly scribbled down an address and handed it to him. Guilt! What an easily exploitable tool.  “Goodbye, Remus. I do hope you’ll take me up on that job offer soon.”

“Sincerely doubt it, Dumbledore.”

3rd November, 1981

10.27pm

“You were gone a while,” said Sirius, looking up from a book.

“And you’re sober,” said Remus. “Didn’t expect that one.”  


Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Go to shout at Dumbledore?”  


Remus purposely didn’t reply, rather hating how well Sirius knew him. He hung up his coat. “I’m going to bed.” He paused, then: “I’m in the main bedroom if you need anything.”  


_Ah yes_ , Sirius thought, _the banishment to the guest bedroom. Entirely fair, under the circumstances._ “OK. Sleep well, Moony.”  


“Goodnight, Sirius.”

4th November, 1981

2.35am

Remus felt a weight by his legs, and his eyes opened to see a big black dog sleeping on the foot of his bed. Yes. Warm. Very tired. Sleep.

When he woke up, the dog was gone, and he remembered nothing.

4th November, 1981

8.20am

“Morning.” Sirius was making an omelette. “Coffee? Omelette?”

Remus shook his head, running a hand through his hair. Sirius glanced at this for a second and coughed. “Morning.”  


“Nice…outfit.” Sirius sounded slightly pained, looking at Remus in a T-shirt and boxers. Remus raised his eyebrows and ignored this.  


“What are we going to do about Harry? You’re his legal guardian now.”  


“Er—I’ll have to find myself a place. And then I’ll have to find him—” Sirius was interrupted by Remus handing him a scrap of paper. “What’s this?”  


“It’s where Harry lives currently. 4 Privet Drive.”  


“That’s…” Sirius paused. “That’s two streets down.”  


“Yes. Listen, we’ll go get him and we can bring him here, OK? I got all of Lily and James’ baby stuff. Everything that…was saved, anyway.”

“I can’t take up space—”

“Yes, you can,” said Remus sharply. “Sirius, you won’t be able to find another place and you know that.”

Sirius looked irritated. “I can find a place.”  


“You don’t have a job and you’re a wizard punk with three tattoos.”  


“ _You_ don’t have a job! You’re a werewolf nerd with a lip piercing!” Sirius cried.

“I own a small bookstore, cunt,” said Remus. “Plus, you’re the one who fucked up most recently, so…I win. I’m right.”

Sirius gaped, unable to find an answer.

“Let’s go kidnap a child,” said Remus, grabbing his coat.

4th November, 1981

8.41am

“Good morning. I’m Luigi and this is Princess Peach,” said the impossibly tall man with several scars wearing a beige jumper and a lip ring, jabbing his thumb towards his not-quite-as-tall but somewhat scarier associate, who was wearing a leather jacket and had several tattoos and _terrible_ hair, thought Petunia.

“We’re here to steal a child!” said Leather Jacket cheerfully.

“Not Dudley!” cried Petunia hysterically. “Oh, not my baby!”  


Jumper pulled a face. “No, not _your_ child, Petunia. The good one.”  


Petunia began to vaguely recognise the scrawny kid who Lily used to hang around with—he had a ridiculous name—Robert? No, too normal—, but they barged past her. She simply gaped as Jumper scooped up the gently sleeping baby, whose crib had been placed rather awkwardly in the hallway. His eyes flickered open. “Moony!”

“Yeah, it’s me! It’s Uncle Remus!”  


Remus, that was it.

“Listen, we’re going to go,” said Remus, bouncing the baby gently. “Are you going to call the police?”  


Petunia stared at him, and then shook her head slowly. Why was she doing that? Of course she was going to! They were breaking and entering! Also - kidnapping - that was probably the more important one -  


Then again.

Perhaps Lily’s only child was better left in the hands of people who would love him. Because she knew, in her heart, she would not make a good mother to this child.  
In her last (and perhaps only) act of decency, in an attempt to honour her sister, Petunia let them go.  


“Good. We’ll never see you again, probably,” said Leather Jacket, whose name Petunia had not caught. “Actually, we live in the bookstore a few streets away, you probably will. Bye!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy chrismtas see you @ new year
> 
> (also goodbye canon you were horseshit anyway)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry this is late also happy 2019

4th November, 1981

7.01am

“Babies really don’t… _do_ much, do they?” asked Sirius, looking fondly at a gurgling Harry.

“He looks like Lily,” said Remus. “The eyes.”  


“He’s going to get that a lot in his life, Moony. Let’s not start now.” Sirius’ voice changed in tone a little. "He does, though. Look like her."

“Mm.” Remus exhaled and appeared to disconnect. “I think the books are arriving today.”  


“The books?”  


“This is a bookshop. If I can’t find a job myself I’ll…make one.” 

Sirius nodded. “I’ll help.”  


“No.” Remus paused. “Sorry, that came out harshly. I’ll try again. No.”

“What? Why? I’d be a great bookstore man!”  


“OK. First of all, Sirius, you haven’t read a book since 1964, which was when you learned to read. Second of all, this place is filled with rich old white people and you are…you.”  


“Unpredictable and desperately sexy?”  


“You’re desperately something,” said Remus, looking at him amusedly. “Anyway. No.”  


“I’ll be better! I’ll wear your jumpers.”  


Remus raised his eyebrows. “They don’t fit you.”

“It’ll be great. I’ll ditch the leather jacket,” said Sirius, winking and heading into Remus’ room.

“I need Lily,” said Remus under his breath. “Lily’s dead. Marlene. Also dead. Uhhh—Dorcas. Dead. Alice!” Phone.

“What?” asked Alice. “I’m sleeping.”   


“Alice, help me! All my other girl friends are dead.”

“Why do you need a girl friend?”  


“Because all my boy friends are dead too!”  


“Frank’s not dead,” said Alice. “Yet.”

“You’re better at this shit than him.”  


“Thank you, I’m better at everything. What do you need?”  


“Who’re you talking to?” asked Sirius, wearing Remus’ jumper.

“No one! Alice. Listen, go buy…milk.”  


“We have four pints.”  


“Go! Buy! Go buy!” Remus turned away from him and Sirius left. “He’s wearing one of my jumpers.”

“Why is that a problem?”  


“My ex-boyfriend is living in my flat and wearing my clothes and he looks…”  


“Looks what?” Alice sounded violently amused.  


“Not…bad! God, it would be so much easier if he were ugly,” sighed Remus. 

“Remus. You are very clearly still in love with him.”  


“Yes! That is very obvious! Of course I’m still in l—heyy, that was quick.”  


“I just remembered it’s seven in the fucking morning, no one’s open,” said Sirius. “Sorry. Whatever plan you had with five pints of milk will have to wait.”

“Listen, I need to have a private conversation with Alice.”  


Sirius sighed. “Fine.”  


“Gogogogogogogogogo—he’s SO HOT.”

“Remus, you need to either have less control or more of it. He hurt you before, but did he hurt you to the point where you can’t forgive him?”  


“Yes.” Remus paused. “No. I don’t know. He pissed me off! I don’t know if it was life-changing. I just know he has a really nice ass.”  


“Disgusting.”  


“Was it really that bad?”  


“Technically he accused you of being a Death Eater, and this pissed you off so much that you told him your marriage wasn’t real and then left for seven months. You somehow managed to both avoid him and keep up a relationship with everyone else you know, despite the fact that they are best friends with him.”  


“When I want to avoid someone I don’t half-ass it, Longbottom.”  


“What I’m saying is…getting back with an ex isn’t always a good idea. You left him for a reason.”

“Yeah, but now we’re raising a child together, and it's a whole thing—”

“You’re WHAT?” Alice sounded horrified. “Remus! Whose child?”  


“Harry. Well—not Harry’s child. You get what I’m saying.”  


“Oh, you can bring him over for a playdate some time. But—you’re raising the child of your two best friends with your _ex-boyfriend_?”

“It sounds bad when you put it like that. Listen, I really don’t want to forgive him, but—”

“No nO NO, THE CHILD THING—”

“We’ve moved past that now, Alice, keep up. I don’t want to forgive him, but I also…do.”

“OK, full disclosure, you are…kind of filling in for Lily for me right now,” said Alice.  


Remus sighed. “I know. So are you. I’d always talk to her about Sirius. Back when things were…less fucked.”

“She’d always talk to me about James back when things were less fucked.” Alice sounded wistful. “I miss them, Remus.”  


“I know. Me too. You know, if she were here, Lily would probably slap me and tell me to ‘just do it, Lupin’.”

“Then just do it, Lupin,” said Alice, a hint of laughter behind her voice. “Tell him you love him. He probably needs to hear it right now. You know that.”  


“I know.” Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I know. And I do. Love him, that is.”

“Tell him.” 

“Are you aware you completely changed position on this issue halfway through the conversation?”  


“Yeah. I remembered that I love him, too.” Alice paused. “Listen, Frank and I are going on a thing tomorrow night. Could you look after Neville? I know it’s difficult for you to… _do_ things right now, but it’d be nice for Harry, I think. And it’d be a good distraction.”

“No, of course. Yeah. Whatever you need. Date night?” he asked.

“Not exactly. Auror thing.”

“Ah. Best not to take the baby on that one, eh?” 

Alice chuckled. “Yeah, well. I don’t want to scare you, but this one’s meant to be a bit of a…dangerous one. If anything happens, if we end up in St Mungo’s or…” She stopped mid-sentence. “Just take him to my mum’s, OK? She hasn’t moved since we were kids.”  


“Alright. Hey, be careful. Don’t want Neville to be parentless.”  


“Yep. Anyway. Tell him you love him. I love you. Bye.”  


“Bye, Alice.” Remus hung up the phone, and opened the front door. “You can come in now.”

Sirius sighed and stood up. “I understand the banishment to the guest bedroom, but this is not exactly what I expected.”

“Sorry.” Remus paused. “Scratch that, no I’m not. You’re living under my roof now, whippersnapper.”  


Sirius grinned. “Grandpa Remus strikes again.”

“Get in.” Remus opened the door a little wider so he could come in.

4th November, 1981

4.23pm

“Go outside if you’re going to do that,” said Remus, looking disapprovingly at Sirius. “At least let some air in. Let out the smoke.”

He opened the window. “Sorry. Forgot.”  


“I thought you quit.”   


“I did.” Sirius sighed and leaned back in his chair. “And then…I didn’t again.”

Remus shook his head. “When did you start again?”

Sirius shrugged. “When did you leave?”

4th November, 1981

10.58pm

“D’you want a Firewhiskey?” asked Remus, looking in the cupboards.  


“Definitely,” said Sirius, who was kneeling by the fire, fiddling with it.

“Sit down, idiot, the fire’s fine.” Remus handed him a glass and settled himself on an armchair. “Sirius, I have to ask…”  


Sirius sat himself down. “Yes?”  


“When I was gone. Was there anyone else?”  


Sirius took a sip of his drink. “Never. What about you?”  


“No.”  


Sirius gave a half-hearted grin. “We’re both lying, aren’t we?”  


“Most definitely.” Remus took a swallow of Firewhiskey. “Violently lying, in fact.”

“Were they hes? Shes? Somewhere in betweens?”  


“Yes. All,” said Remus. “Can't remember most of their names."  


Sirius snorted. “Me neither.” Then: “I missed you.”

“Quite right.” He paused. “I missed you, too.”

“Could I…” Sirius outstretched a hand. “Could I see your inner wrist?”  


Remus’ brow furrowed. “Sure.”

Sirius looked fondly at the tattoo marked there. “Sirius A. Right?”  


“Yeah.” Remus glanced at the tattoo. “Dog Star.”

“I’m still in love with you, Remus.” It was abrupt, and it looked like even Sirius hadn’t expected it.  


“I know.” Han Solo-ing it. Nice job, Remus. 

Sirius drank again, looking rather pensive. Not hurt, but thoughtful. “Were you talking to Alice about me?”  


“Yes.”  


Sirius chuckled. “And? What’re the results, doc?”  


“It looks like…” Remus sighed. “God fuck it, I hate doing this.”

Sirius didn’t say anything.  


“I’m in love with you too, idiot.”

“Well.” Sirius finished his drink. “What’s to be done about that?”

“What is this, a shitty romance novel?” Remus snorted and stood up. “You can’t play fake cool and win me over like that. Goodnight.”  


Sirius sighed. “Worth a try. It was sexy, though, right?”

“ _Goodnight_ , Sirius.”  


“That means it was sexy!” called Sirius. “Validate me! Or have sex with me, either works.”

“There is a BABY UNDER THIS ROOF, SIRIUS.”

5th November, 1981

3.02am

Harry was screaming. Sirius rolled out of bed and exited the guest bedroom. Remus was there, too. “Nope. I got it. I got it. Go back to bed.” Remus gave a sleepy thumbs-up and headed back into his room. Sirius entered Harry’s nursery and flicked on the light. “What’s wrong, kid?”  


“Cayon!” He was standing up in his cot, looking deeply angry.  


“No idea what that is.” Sirius scooped him up out of the cot. “You want something to eat? Are you saying carrot? Your teeth don’t work good enough for that.”  


“No!” Harry pointed at his crayons.  


“It’s three in the morning, Potter,” said Sirius. “Why are you suddenly overcome with the need to create art?”  


“Cayon!”  


“I get it, buddy. Sometimes I would have the random urge to play music at random times in the night. So I did. It really annoyed my parents, too,” Sirius said matter-of-factly. 

“Hopefully you’re less of an asshole than me.”

Harry sniffed. “Da.”

“Are you Russian suddenly? I don’t have the strength to raise a Russian child.”  


“Da.” Oh.

“Your dad’s not here right now,” said Sirius. “Hey, I’ll tell you what, though.” He placed Harry back into his cot and took his wand out. Multicoloured bubbles filled the room, causing the sniffles to stop and giggles to begin. “Just like your dad used to, right?” Sirius kissed the top of his head and switched off the light. The bubbles popped, and swirling stars filled the room, acting as a nightlight. “Goodnight, Harry.” He turned around to see Remus leaning against the doorframe, a sad smile on his face.

“Come to bed, Sirius.”

“I was just going—” Remus shook his head, and Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Oh.”  


“Yeah.”

5th November, 1981

9.31am

Remus sat up, and looked at the man sleeping next to him. He got up, headed into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Sirius soon joined him.

“Morning.”

Remus nodded at him, but didn’t say anything.

“Not that I’m complaining, but…I thought you’d be angrier.”  


Remus got out two mugs. “I spent six months being angry, Padfoot.” Sirius’ eyes flicked up - he hadn’t heard that one in a while. “It's not that I've forgiven, exactly. I'm just tired. 'Specially after..."

“Lily and James,” Sirius finished. “Right.”  


5th November, 1981

12.39pm

“He does keep saying the word ‘meth’ a lot, and we don’t know why,” said Alice, handing over the rather large baby to Sirius. “We’re hoping it will have no impact on his future.”

Sirius looked rather disturbed. “OK.”

“And no smoking around him, either!”

“He’s stopped,” said Remus.  


“Since when?”  


“Since yesterday,” Sirius replied. Alice raised her eyebrows. “For the _baby_. The baby.”  


“Riiiiiight,” said Alice.

“Anyway. We should be back by six. Anything happens, Dumbledore will tell you first and you take Neville to my mum’s. Fair warning, Sirius, she’s a bit of a…character.”

“She really is,” said Remus, looking slightly traumatised. “Excellent sense of fashion, though.”  


“Me and her will get on swimmingly, then,” said Sirius, bouncing the baby. “Good luck. Be careful.”

“I’m always careful, darling.” Alice grinned. “Oh—one last thing, Neville can sort of walk, so don’t let him near knives.”  


“We weren’t—why would we be planning to let the baby near knives anyway?”

“That’s a fair point,” she said. “Anyway, we’re going at 3, we just wanted to do this early. See you.”  


“ I know I already said this, but be careful!”  


“You’d better come back tonight,” said Remus.

5th November, 1981

2.47pm

“Hello?” Remus picked up the phone.  


“You two bang one out?” asked Alice, sounding amused.

“What?” Remus sounded deeply disturbed. “No. God, no. We just—” He glanced at Sirius, who seemed distracted. “Slept together.”  


“That is the literal definition of banging one out.”  


“No! Not sex! Sleep!”

“OK, that makes more sense. You two are dorks. Did you make up?” she asked, rather more genuinely this time. “Did he apologise? He better have apologised.”  


“No. I think he knows there’s no way he _can_ apologise.” Remus sighed. “He’s just—good. He’s good with Harry, that is.”  


“He is?” Alice had a note of surprise in her voice. “I assumed he was terrible with kids.”  


“No, he’s…great. He managed to calm down Harry. And that kid saw both of his parents die, like, five days ago.”

“Huh. The more you know. Anyway, I have to go.”

“Bye. See you soon.”

5th November, 1981

6.28pm

“They did say six, right?” Sirius was attempting to stop Neville from throwing himself into the bin.

“Alice and Frank are late for literally everything,” said Remus. “They were late for their own wedding.”  


“Yeah. That’s it.”  


Both of them managed to ignore the fact that they were both as anxious as each other.

5th November, 1981

7.52pm

Remus picked up Neville carefully. “I’m sorry, kid.”

“Should we wait for the call, or just go now?” 

“He’ll call. I want to make sure,” said Remus. “Make sure we aren’t…jumping the gun.”

“They’re dead, Moons,” said Sirius gently. Remus shook his head.

“I know.” He sounded defeated. The phone rang and Remus squeezed his eyes shut. Sirius picked up the phone.

“Are they dead?” Sirius was quiet for a very long time. “What?”

Remus looked up. “What’s happening?”  


Sirius didn’t respond. “OK. Yes.” He hung up. “They’re not dead. It’s worse.”

“What?” Remus sat up. “What’s worse than death?”  


“My cousin,” said Sirius. “Do you want to go to the hospital or drop off the baby?”

6th November, 1981

12.46am

“Thanks again for babysitting, Arthur,” said Remus. He smiled sadly and left the apartment.

Sirius sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands. Remus sat on an armchair, looking rather grim.

“Not even allowed…the dignity of death,” Sirius said. “My cousin is something else.”

“She’s a piece of work.”

“You could say that.” Sirius paused and looked up at Remus. “Distance.”  


“Sorry,” replied Remus, apparently automatically. He blinked, but came over to join Sirius on the sofa. “I really want to forgive you.”  


“I bet your dick tastes like forgiveness.”  


Remus snorted and shoved him. “Good God, man, there’s a baby in the house.”  


“Mm.” Sirius looked around the room, until his eyes settled on a guitar that was leaning on an armchair. “Whose is that?”

“Hmm? Oh.” Remus thought for a second. “Marlene’s. Must’ve been.”

Sirius smiled. “Me and her used to play together. We always said we were going to start a band, but we couldn’t find a drummer.”  


“Sounds very like 16-year-old you.” Remus picked up the guitar and started strumming absent-mindedly. Sirius’ brow furrowed.

“You can’t play guitar.”  


Remus glanced at him. “Darling, I can do anything.” 

“Ahh, Sinatra.” Sirius sighed and leaned back. “Something Stupid?”  


“ _Popularised_ by Sinatra,” said Remus, playing. 

“…to spend an evening with me,” came in Sirius. “And if we go some place to dance I know that there’s a chance you won’t be leaving with me. —Uhh, quiet little place and have a drink or two!” He didn’t know the words.   


“And then I go and spoil it all by saying somethin’ stupid like I love you.”

Sirius grinned. “I can see it in your eyes that you despise the same old lies you heard the night before. Though it’s just a line to you—to me it’s true, and never felt so right before.” 

Remus had stopped singing, and didn’t again until the very end.

“The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red and oh, the night’s so blue. And then I go and spoil it all by saying somethin’ stupid like I love you.” Sirius paused. 

“I love you.”  


“I love you.” Remus stopped playing and stood up.

“Am I coming with you?”  


Remus shrugged and left. “Goodnight.”  


Sirius slept on the sofa.

6th November, 1981

8.47am

Sirius fell off the sofa.

“How did that go for you?” said a slightly irritated Remus. "There's a guest bedroom."

“I am a legend.”

“You’re an idiot.”  


“So are you.” Sirius put his hands behind his head. “You know, I have no idea what’s going on with me and you, but I know that I’m annoyed for no reason. Also, I have a crick in my neck.”

“Sirius, we won the war.” Remus apparently ignored everything he just said.

Sirius stood up. “What?”  


“More specifically, Harry won the war.”

“Are we speaking metaphorically? He is one year old.”

“When Voldemort got to Godric’s Hollow, his Killing Curse backfired when he tried to…kill Harry.”

“Backfired?”

“Yep. The Dark Lord died due to a wand mishap.”  


“…We won?”  


“Yes.”  


Sirius sighed. “Doesn’t feel like a win.”

“…I know it doesn’t.” Remus paused. “If I buy champagne will it feel like a win?”

“No. If I drink heavily and make out with you it will.” Whoops, he wasn’t meant to say that.

Remus shrugged. “I’m up for that.”


	9. Chapter 9

8th November, 1981

3.28am

Sirius was awake.

His eyes were burning, but he couldn’t bring himself to close them. He assumed Remus was awake too, but that was because the only alternative was that he was being haunted by a ghost who liked to pace around bedrooms at three in the morning. 

Sirius was glad that Remus had rearranged the flat. The guest bedroom had remained the same, as well as the bathrooms and kitchen, but the living room and main bedroom had been switched, and the contents of the ‘study’ (which was just a room full of records and books) had been randomly put in different rooms. That left one empty. Sirius had turned it into a cat room, much to Remus’ dismay.

Why was he thinking about the bookstore? It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. He had stared down the corpse of his dead best friend a week ago.

A pang of guilt and pain hit him again and he rolled over. A cold feeling of loss crept into his stomach. The pacing had stopped. Remus was asleep.

The door opened slightly and Sirius sat up hopefully. “Remus?”

But no one was there. Ghost, he thought. He lay back down. A few seconds later, something jumped on the bed, and Sirius nearly fell off the bed. “Jesus fuck—Poseidon, you wanker.”

The cat started purring and kneading his legs. Sirius flopped back down, slightly irritated. The cat settled himself on his knees. 

Sirius sighed. It was weirdly nice having a cat on his lap. A bastard cat, but a cat nonetheless.

Comfort joined the coldness in his stomach, and Sirius’ breathing slowed. 

30th November, 1981

10.27am

“Molly. Hi,” said Remus, looking tired. “Come in.”

“Oh, Remus.” Molly hugged him very tightly. “You’re looking after my children today.”  


“ Never mind don’t come in—we don’t want your gremlins—”  


“No, you are in grief, you have been in grief for a very long time, and you are going to distract yourself with children.”

“Molly!”

“I’ve got another two. Ron, he’s about Harry’s age—a few months older. Ginny’s three months old. I know you don’t have any plans tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow morning at 9.”  


“Why!” Remus was handed a three-year-old and a one-year-old. “Molly!”

“Goodbye!”

“Sirius!” he called. “Come help me!”

“What?” Sirius hurried down the stairs into the store, holding Harry. “We’re meant to be opening for the first time today—AH, GINGERS—CHILDREN—GINGER CHILDREN—oh, it’s just the Weasleys.”  


“Molly left all her children here. She thinks raising children will distract us—”

“We’re already raising a child! We don’t need seventy more.”

“Apparently we do!”

“Good God. Bill, how old are you?”  


“Eleven.”

“Why aren’t you at school?” asked Remus. “Shouldn’t you be at Hogwarts already?”

“Because I turned eleven yesterday.”  


“Oh! Happy birthday!” said Sirius. “Listen, we’ll get you some cake, OK?”  


“Yeah!”

“CAKE!” yelled Fred and George at the same time, then started running around the store.

“Goblins!” cried Remus, running after them. Charlie laughed. “Not you too, goblin.” He pointed accusingly at Charlie.  


“OK, I’ll take, uhh, Percy, Charlie, Bill, and Fred to get cake. You stay with Ginny, Ron, George, and Harry.”

“We’re splitting up the twins?” asked Remus, holding George back by his collar. 

“I think they’ll be easier to deal with on their own.”  


“Agreed.”

30th November, 1981

9.53pm

“Bill, get to bed, you tiny thot,” said Sirius, and was immediately elbowed by Remus. 

Bill gave a laugh. “What’s Hogwarts like?”

Sirius grinned. “Excellent staying-up ploy, Weasley. 10/10 for distraction. Why, are you worried about it?”

“I just feel like I might be crap at everything.” Bill sighed, hugging his knees. “Charlie knows way more than me about…stuff. Well, just dragons, mostly.”  


“First of all, crap’s a bad word. Second of all, your brother knows more about dragons than I do,” said Remus. “And I know a surprising amount about dragons.”

“It’s not surprising at all, your Uncle Remus is a nerd,” chimed in Sirius.

Bill giggled again. “What if I’m in Slytherin?”

“As long as you don’t blow anything up, your mum and dad won’t mind what house you’re in.” Remus patted him on the back. “You’ll be fine, Billiam. Is that your full name?”  


“No.”  


“Are you going to tell me what your full name _is_?”  


“No.”  


“It’s William!” yelled Charlie from the other room. Sirius gasped.

“Snitch!”

“GO TO SLEEP, GOBLIN,” cried Remus. 

“Stop calling them goblins, Remus!” 

Charlie ran into the room. “I found a dragon!”

“No, you didn’t, Char—” Sirius stopped in his tracks. Charlie was holding a miniature dragon. “Dorcas, what the _shit_ —I mean, not that—what the FUCK—”

“Sirius, no.” Remus took the tiny dragon and looked at it. “This was…their wedding present from James and Lily.”

Sirius sat down. “Oh.”

“Kids, it’s time for bed, OK?” said Remus, slightly more authoritatively than before. For once in their lives, they went to bed when they were told.

“The mini Jurassic Park they were going to build,” said Sirius fondly. “I told them it wasn’t released until 1993, but that didn’t stop them.”

“Why is it a dragon, again?”

“James doesn’t—” Sirius paused. “James didn’t know what a dinosaur was. He thought Lily had mispronounced.” The dragon gave a half-hearted roar and curled up in Remus’ hand like a cat. The real cat jumped up onto the sofa at a convenient time. 

“Hey, Poseidon.” Remus moved a little closer to Sirius and tucked his legs up. 

“I can’t believe they’re gone, Moony.” Poseidon curled up on a pillow near them.

Remus didn’t say anything, and Sirius began to tap on the table. “They’re in the cupboard. Behind the tea mugs.”  


Sirius sighed and got up. After several rather alarming clatters, he came out of the kitchen holding a lighter and some cigarettes. 

Remus held out his hand. “Give me one.”  


“You don’t smoke.”  


“I know.”   


Sirius handed him one reluctantly, and lit his own before handing him the lighter. “Killing people isn't fun.”  


“Comes with the job.”

“No. Killing your best friend does not come with the job.”  


Remus raised his eyebrows. “Got some Death Eater pals you aren’t telling me about? Other than me, obviously?”  


Sirius winced. “Don’t. Anyway, you know what I’m talking about.”

“That wasn’t your fault, Sirius.”   


Sirius shook his head. “I convinced them to switch to Peter. Last minute. It was me.”

“Peter betraying you sounds distinctly like a Peter problem.”

“I should have known. I should have realised it was him and not you. How the fuck did I think it was you? And why the fuck did you forgive me?”  


Remus shrugged. “Did I?”

“Fine, so you’re not exactly married to me, but I’m staying at your _house_. Seriously, Remus, that’s not something a normal person does. What I did was—it was unforgivable, really and—you shouldn’t’ve trusted me! Everyone thought I was a Death Eater—it’s insane that you—”  


Remus sighed, cutting him off. “You…” He paused. “If you give more than three seconds of thought to that whole thing, it makes no fucking sense.”  


“Remus.”  


“I had just lost Lily.”  


Sirius blinked. “I wouldn’t’ve been dead if you left me alone.”

“You may as well have been.”

“Why did losing Lily make you forgive me? That makes no sense.”  


“I…” Remus looked at a loss. “I don’t know why I said that.”

Sirius finally sat down, taking a drag, and trying very hard not to make a Mr Brightside reference here. “With all this obsessing over _my_ best friend being dead, I didn’t stop to think that—”

“I know. Mine is too. S'pose I just didn't want to lose the last Marauder.”

“Goddamn, Molly was right, though,” said Sirius. “Kids really do take your mind off of things.”

As if on cue, a shriek was heard from one of the rooms. “GoBLINS!” Remus put out his cigarette.

“Remus, no.”

Remus went into the room and came out looking weary, a gleeful Bill attached to his leg. “I have lost. I have lost very badly.”  


“I can see,” said Sirius amusedly, stubbing his cigarette out as well. “Alright, he wins, he gets to stay up.”  


“Why d’you live in Auntie Marlene and Auntie Dorcas’ house?” asked Bill. “They’re dead.” Ah, children, truly the most gentle of creatures.  


“They left me the bookstore after they—passed away,” said Remus. 

“I thought the government got places after people died,” said Bill earnestly.

“Oh, you little communist,” said Sirius affectionately. “He’s been raised right.”  


“How’d they die?”  


Remus took a second to think how to word it. “You know about V—You-Know-Who, Bill?”  


“Yeah.”  


“He…was the one who killed your aunties.”

“Oh.”  


“Listen, kid, go to bed. You’re going to want to all the time when you’re old,” said Sirius. “Also I kind of want to cry, and I don’t want to do that in front of a child.” Bill nodded earnestly and headed off to bed.   


“I want a job, Sirius.”

“Why so Sirius?” asked Sirius, trying very hard not to laugh. “I mean—you have a job.”  


Remus chuckled. “Well. As much as running a bookstore with my…” He trailed off.   


“Let’s just call it a ‘thing’. I don’t know what we’re doing either.”  


“Ex-lover, kind-of-not-betrayer, best-childhood-friend-son-of-a-bitch?”  


“That works. Although, _ex_ -lover?”  


“Ex-lover turned…friend who I angrily kissed while drunk.”  


“Accepted. Proceed.”

“Dumbledore…”  


Sirius sighed. “That bitch.”  


“I could be the DADA professor.” 

“So do it.” Sirius looked at him fondly. “It’s what you’ve always wanted, Remus, and you’d be fucking fantastic.”  


Remus’ jaw was tight. “I know. But—”

“Don’t worry about Professor Dickhead Man. You’ve yelled at him enough that I think it’s about equal now.”

“I did, indeed, fucking go off,” said Remus, a note of regret in his voice. “Possibly a mistake.”  


Sirius shook his head. “Strongly disagree.”

“I’d have to leave, you know.”

Sirius blinked. He hadn’t thought of that. “That’s OK. I can take care of Harry by myself.”

“No, you can’t.”  


“Well, maybe I’ll come with you. Get a job as a…chimney sweep, or something.” 

Remus laughed. “Sure.”

“Oh, Filch will be so happy to see me.”  


“Next year, then. The DADA teachers always leave after a year, apparently. The curse prevails.”  


“That’s not a real thing.”  


“Right. I’ll go owl…what was it you called him? Professor Dickhead Man.”  


“Go for it.”

1st December, 1981

9.04am

“You’re late, Molly!” cried Sirius over the phone, desperately trying to make five pancakes in three different pans over one hob. It was going fantastically. “No—what do you mean half an hour, how do you entertain this many children for half—she hung up.”

Remus grinned and took a pan from him. “We’ll be fine.”

  
  
25th December, 1981

8.32am

A rather gloomy feeling had taken over the small bookshop in Surrey that Christmas. It was not quite as grief-stricken as the last Christmas that they had had together; then again, it was not necessarily the happiest of mornings. The loss of their best friends - the old loss, and the new - hung over them like a grey cloud.

And yet, there was the baby. Harry had officially learned several words — the main one being ‘dog’, which he yelled whenever he saw Poseidon. The next most common one was ‘thot’, which he yelled every time he saw Sirius as Padfoot, and which Remus had desperately tried to get him to stop saying. Then there was ‘angry’, ‘frog’, ‘Moony’, and ‘Pad’. Sirius had never quite gotten him to say the full thing.

“Fuck Christmas,” said Sirius bitterly. “Fuck it. It’s fucking awful.”

“Drama queen strikes again,” said Remus, putting an omelette onto a plate. “Also, language. Baby.”

Sirius sighed. “It feels the same as it did when I was a kid.”  


“Like you’re surrounded by people you hate and don’t get any presents? I’m honoured.” Remus brought him a plate and picked up Harry. “So’s he.”

“You _didn’t_ get me a present.”

“Omelette,” said Remus. “Also, remind me what _you_ got me?”  


Sirius flopped back on the sofa, defeated.  


“Nana!”  


“You don’t have a nana, she’s dead,” said Sirius. “Oh, he wants a banana. Got it.”

“Still offended.” Remus sat down on the sofa with Harry.

“It’s just…capitalism.”

“Oh, not your communism thing again—”

“I’m not fully a communist!”  


“Stalin didn’t like the gays, Sirius!”  


“Stalin wasn’t a good—no, I don’t support Stalin,” he sighed. “He was a dickhead—but look at Cuba!”  


“Fidel Castro also hated the gays! And Cuba’s not doing great, let’s be honest—”  


“Vietnam!”

Remus paused. “You got me there.”

“Anyway, capitalism is terrible. You got that, Harry? Down with the capitalists.”  


“NANA!”  


“I think he’s got it,” said Remus drily. 

“Oh, I nearly forgot - Andromeda has invited us round to hers for Christmas. Probably as a reminder that I do have…some other people left.”  


“That means you have to put trousers on.”  


“Fuck.”  


“She has a kid too, right? Fucking awful name - that’s what you get when you let white people name children—”

“Nymphadora. Dora for short.”  


“As in…the Explorer?” asked Remus. “Wait, no, that was in 2000. Ignore me.”

“…Moving on. I don’t have to make Christmas lunch.”

18th March, 1982

11.24pm

Sirius was dicking around on a guitar. Remus was watching him, rather amused.

“You’re really shit at that.”  


“Fuck yeah,” said Sirius, a twinkle in his eye. “I’m the most talented man alive.”

“Remember when you actually taught James how to play this instrument?”

Sirius grinned, but the smile faded quickly. “He wasn’t great at it.”  


“No, but he was decent. Also, he never practised.”  


“Yeah, well. Let’s talk about something else.” Sirius put the guitar down.

Remus leant his head on Sirius’ shoulder. “Yeah.”

There they sat, in heavy silence, for several minutes. “I want a drink.”

“Don’t, Pads.”

Sirius looked at him. “Why?”  


“Just…don’t.” Remus sighed.

He sat back. “OK.”  


10th May, 1982

12.53pm

“REMUS!” Sirius bellowed, the door of the apartment flying open. “REMUS!”  


Remus automatically took his wand out, looking terrified. “How many are dead and who am I killing? Are they back? Is he back?”  


“NO — GOD, NO — I need…” Sirius was panting very hard. “I need to play you a song.”  


“Fucking—” Remus put his head in his hands. “Asshole.”  


“It’s so important. It’s the most important thing I’ve ever—it’s so important. You have to hear it.”

“You went out for milk, Sirius! How did you come back with another fucking record?”  


“Where’s Harry?”  


“Napping.”  


“Go wake him up, he has to hear this too—it’s the best goddamn thing I’ve ever—”

“Just put it on, moron, I’m not waking up the baby,” sighed Remus. “What the fuck is this?”

“IT”S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU’VE EVER HEARD,” Sirius yelled. 

“These are the guys who did Hold the Line, right? That’s not a great song.”  


“THIS ONE’S BETTER. I PROMISE.”

four minutes and fifty five seconds later

“I have so many questions and I want the answers to none of them,” said Remus, slowly dying.

Sirius was laughing so hard he was fully sobbing. “FUCKING—OH MY GOD.”

“The—the—the—the—” Remus could not even articulate, and he was planning on becoming a teacher. “Kilimanjaro…does not rise like Olympus above the Serengeti.”  


“The fucking—the keY CHANGES,” cried Sirius. “It’s so—popular—I can’t even—”

“WHY IS HE BLESSING THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICA?” shrieked Remus, unable to comprehend his own being any more, and slowly barrelling towards an existential crisis. “I’m an old man, Sirius, I don’t understand this newfangled popular music—motherfucker, who let Toto write this—”

“I’m playing it again.”  


“NO!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i was revising for my history mock when i wrote this chapter


	10. Chapter 10

Hey lads so this is going to go on hold for a while because. y'know, life. ANYWAY writing this has kind of just lost its appeal so see you in 90 years


	11. Chapter 11

24th May, 1982

7.41pm

“God, I hope high-waisted jeans never go out of fashion.”

Remus shook his head. “I know you do. Come here, goblin boy!”  


“Why? I don’t want to move. Oh, you meant Harry.”

Remus picked up the (currently squirming) toddler. “Why? Why have you never stayed still in your whole life?” Sirius looked at them both fondly.

“I thought he was going to look like Lily, but his hair’s already going insane.”

“Friend, please stop wiggling,” said Remus. 

“No!”  


“You need to go to bed, sir.”  


“No!” Harry was attempting to writhe his way out of Remus’ arms like an angry cat. The actual angry cat began to scream - it hadn’t been fed.

“I’ll deal with Poseidon, you deal with angry squishy child.” Sirius got up and got out the can opener.

“Harry, if you don’t go to bed then you don’t get chicken nuggets tomorrow.”  


This enraged him. “NUGGETS!!!!!”  


“If you go to bed you get nuggets tomorrow!”  


“WANT NUGGETS!!!”  


“Mood,” said Sirius.

“Harry, I need verbal confirmation. Will you go to bed now?”  


“Nuggets!”  


"He doesn't know what 'verbal confirmation' means, Remus, he's a toddler."

“Verbal confirmation!”  


“Yes!” 

Remus nodded. “Good. Let’s go. Sleep well.”

Sirius grinned as he left to tuck in Nightmare Toddler.

“This is what happens when _you_ try to raise a child - he thinks he’s the centre of the universe,” sighed Remus, coming back into the room.

“But he is,” said Sirius dreamily. “The best child on earth.”  


“No.”  


“Yes.”  


“Maybe.” Remus smiled. “He’s adorable when he’s not screaming.”

“That he is. Hey, we’re nearly out of cat food.”

Remus blinked. “That was fast.”  


“I know.”  


“I’m sure we have some change somewhere. Hey, that old lady the other day bought the really expensive Bible. Do we have that?”  


Sirius shook his head. “Went on nappies.”  


Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Fuck, I need a job.”  


“FUCK!” came the bellow from Harry’s room.

“NO!” yelled both of the men at the same time.

“God, I’m a terrible dad,” said Remus, looking slightly amused again. 

“Everyone’s a terrible dad.”

“Lily wasn’t a terrible dad!”  


“Yes she was. Great mum, not a fantastic dad. She would never say ‘let’s rock and roll’ before leaving a restaurant.”

Remus blinked. “That’s the criteria for being a good dad?”  


“Obviously!”

“I’m going to teach him to say veni vidi vici.”

Sirius shook his head. “I came, I saw, I won? Where did that come from?”  


“First of all, it’s conquered,” said Remus, a grin suddenly on his face. “Second, the idea of a toddler going around quoting Julius Caesar just makes me laugh.”  


“Who is Julius Caesar and why is he named after a salad?”

Remus stared at him.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Am I meant to know who he is? I’ve only ever tried the salad! What did he conquer?”

“…England.”  


Sirius looked around him. “No…he didn’t. As far as I can tell—”

“In 54BC! Not now!”  


“That’s _so long ago_! How do you know about him!”

“Sirius, did you ever attend a History of Magic lesson—the shit you learned in that was ages ago, too!”

Sirius paused. “Oh. But I completely object to the idea that I learned anything in History of Magic.”

“He was the Roman emperor. Until he got stabbed.”  


“Were the Romans the gay ones?”

Remus shook his head. “You’re thinking of the Greeks. Anyway. Toddler. Veni vidi vici.”

“Now that we’ve got past that minor hurdle - go for it, love.”

Remus appeared to start.

“What?”

He shook his head. “Never mind. Sorry.”

“Oh, come on. You might be able to pull that bullshit with everyone else, Lupin, but not me.”  


Remus snorted. “Sure.”  


“Tell me!”   


“I don’t know how to say it.”

“Do you perhaps have an interpretive dance?” Sirius elbowed him. “Come on.”

“You sound like James.”

Sirius’ smile wavered. 

“Sorry. Didn’t think.”

“What? No, don’t worry. You just sounded like Lily.”  


“I sounded like a woman? Excellent. Just what I was going for.”

The grin returned. “Remus, if you ever sounded like a woman, I would run out of here shrieking.”

“You’d do that anyway.”

12th August, 1982

4.36pm

“I am going to KILL MYSELF,” yelled Sirius, throwing the bookstore door open.

“Not before the nuclear bomb,” said Remus, not looking up from his newspaper. “Wait—what?” A customer stared at them concernedly. 

“Sorry, sir—you should buy that, it’s excellent, King’s a genius—” Sirius slammed his hands on the counter dramatically. “I just ran into Davey Gudgeon.”

“Oh sweet Jesus,” said Remus. “He’s still alive?

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not like he’s a Death Eater, but _Jesus_ , he’s an asshole.”

“No one’s a Death Eater anymore.”  


“You know what I mean. Anyway—it was the most awkward experience of my entire life, and also made me realise we don’t have any friends.”

Remus blinked. “Oh. Yeah. I guess.”

“All we have is each other, really. And even we don’t know what we’re doing.”

“Well, maybe we’ll make friends with the new Potions professor.”

Sirius blinked. “What? Sluggy retired?”

“Yeah, this year. Weird that he could supposedly tolerate our year and yet now is the time that he leaves.”

“Huh.” He hopped up onto the counter. “Maybe there’s some new nightmare year that he didn’t want to deal with.”

“It’s a good thing he left before the Weasleys went to Hogwarts.”  


Sirius grinned. “You’re forgetting, my friend, _you_ are the dumb schmuck stuck teaching them.”  


Remus slammed his head down on the counter. The customer left.

“Come again!” called Sirius. “And you call _me_ a moron.”

“Fun fact, the word ‘schmuck’ comes from the Yiddish for ‘dick’,” said Remus, his head still on the counter.

“Why am I attracted to you?”

31st August, 1982

10.21pm

“NO,” yelled Harry, rolling away. Remus sighed, holding a spoon with a carrot on it.

“Eat the vegetable, Harry, it’s so late. Please.”

“NO!”

“Moons, stop trying to feed him boiled vegetables,” said Sirius. “He’s James’ son.”  


“I’ll go…reheat something. Thank god Euphemia taught you how to cook properly.”

Sirius kissed the top of Harry’s head. “He’s a little goblin. I love him.”

A violent clatter came from the kitchen. “I’m FINE. IT’S FINE.”

Sirius snorted and flopped face-down onto the sofa. Remus came out of the kitchen, looking rather disgruntled, and successfully made Harry eat vegetables. “I’ll put him to bed,” offered Sirius. “You’ve…sort of got a big day tomorrow.”

Once Harry had been put to bed, an uncomfortable tension crept into the living room, as did Sirius, because he was trying to be sneaky. As amusing as this image was, Remus wasn’t paying any particular attention. “You haven’t packed.”

Sirius’s expression changed so slightly it was almost indistinguishable. He sat next to Remus. 

“I think…we both know you’re not coming with me tomorrow.”

Sirius’ voice held an unsurprised and yet still slightly disappointed tone. “No?”

“You’d go insane. And Harry can’t grow up in Hogwarts, that’s…that’s an insane idea.”

Sirius was quiet for a second. “I love you, though.”

“Don’t. Don’t do that.”

“Don’t love you, or don’t say it?”  


Remus’ face twisted into a smile for a brief moment. “Yes.” After a pause: “You know we can’t do this any more.”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure you know that, Sirius?”

Sirius began to tap. “Yes. But—”

“You know I can’t say it,” Remus interrupted gently. 

“I know.’ Sirius sighed. “And I know that it…can’t be the same after Lily. James.”

Remus shook his head. “Even after Marlene and Dorcas.”

“OK. OK.” Sirius had started to sound rather pained. “End of limbo. It’s over.”

“It’s over.”

“Remus, if…” He hesitated. “If this is going to end, it has to really end. I can’t…keep talking to you all the time, or whatever.”

Remus nodded. “Christmas. I’ll visit Harry at Christmas.”

“Christmas, then.” Sirius stood up. “I’m going for a walk.”

31st August, 1982

11.03pm

Sirius headed up the stairs, surprisingly tired.

“Sirius.”  


He turned, his hand on the guest bedroom door. 

“I need confirmation.”  


“About what?” Sirius furrowed his brow. "Are you doing the thing you do with Harry to me?"  


Remus' gaze didn't waver. “You know about what. Do you know how difficult it’ll be if—”

Sirius stopped him, and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket. He put one in his mouth and raised his eyebrows.

Remus smiled slightly, crossing his arms. 

“Do me a favour, Moons,” he said, the unlit cigarette still in his mouth. “Don’t fuck Snape.”  


“Don’t fuck Dumbledore.”

Sirius grinned. “Can’t promise anything.”  


“Goodnight, Padfoot.”  


“‘Night, Moony.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was the last chapter. who knows, I might write something in the future again, but for now I think this is probably a good place to end it! besides, i can't even keep a plant alive, let alone a story.   
> if there happen to be any twelve-year-olds reading this: don't drink if you don't want to and also my condolences. being twelve sucks. also, take up that musical instrument you want to play. it's worth it. don't watch game of thrones until you're older than you are now because i watched it when i was 14 and now i'm like this! also be Nice to yourself!!!!!!  
> message to anyone else reading this: playing minecraft is the one true form of self care. make friends with a cat. alternatively, a dog. if you have a pet allergy, idk man. find a cool bird or something. follow cat.yeet on instagram. no this is not motivated by anything except i like cats. throw stones at passing cars. embrace everythign that's terrible, like the last chapter of the lord of the rings trilogy. if you're having trouble finishing something, listen only to rosanna by toto or iron man by black sabbath and you will be motivated to finish so you can escape the music. hug your friends. you be the one to tell your dad that you're just resting your eyes. scream whenever he looks at the thermostat.  
> listen to my advice, i am the wisest man alive. Also, the reason I don't use capitals in these is not for the aesthetic! I'm just lazy.
> 
> the end


End file.
